Jeff Goins wrote in his newsletter recently,
“The problem with “too much” is it’s not enough. Not for some people.
Too much tweeting, too much talking, too much selling — these are all subjective, determined by someone else’s preference and worldview. What feels like an overwhelming series of broadcasts to one person is near silence to another. So whom do you try to please? Everyone or no one?
My experience with this
A week doesn’t go by when I don’t get an email from a stranger, telling me I’ve done something wrong: pushed too hard, asked too aggressively, wrote too much.
What’s tough is reconciling this with the hundreds of positive responses I get, thanking me for those same things that were “too much.” I’m not sure what to make of it.
Truth is, a man can drive himself crazy trying to please everyone. And this is a lot more complicated than who’s right and who’s wrong.
The truth
Sometimes, the critics are right, and you need to pay attention to those squeaky wheels. These people can help you grow, keep you from devolving into a pop star.
But to be fair, sometimes you need to chalk up a few scathing remarks to the reality of not being able to please everyone.
The real trick, though, is to continue doing what you’re called to do, regardless of popularity or criticism. Even when the masses hate you for it. Even when they love you.
Sometimes, consensus is an artist’s worst enemy.”
Jeff also wrote a great blog, The Essential Guide to (Not) Responding to Critics which I read with interest as it is truly one of my greatest challenges. It is so very difficult not to take criticism personally, and to not allow it to change my focus. I write because the idea now of not writing every day is hideous! I’m not really sure why I write, other than to express my inner world, and to heal myself. It is a form of narrative therapy. It is also a way to recall, my world. I am not always right with the things I talk about, at least in the opinion of others. But what I write is right for me. I remember hearing one of my all time heroes and guru Wayne Dwyer say he used to receive a lot of written letters from critics, and he used to respond by sending the negative ones to the people who wrote the positive letters, and vice versa. I think this is probably the best way to respond, as any criticism, good or bad, is only someone else’s opinion.
Critique is essential for development if you are an artist (writer, musician, dancer, actor whatever). I envy you for your negative responses. X
I agree with you Sally, and as a writer it is equally important to receive it, and now that I’m used to it, I can understand how you might envy me for getting it. I’ve continued to think about the different responses to writing vs painting/drawing/art of some kind and suspect people don’t get so opinionated about smeone’s art because they either love it, don’t know what to think anything about it, or dislike it, whereas with writing, one gets opinionated about what one reads… still so much to think about this topic, as we have written about to each other previously. Which means of course, you as an artist who paints and draws, misses out on valuable critique. As a complete ‘dumbo’ about the type of art you or any other artist does, I basically have a like/don’t like opinion, no more no less, and therefore feel completely at a loss to be able to critique something (just ask Pete!!!); perhaps I should try to give you some ‘discerning’ comments occasionally? Let me know… xo
I guess what you are saying is that because writing is (usually) language based, it has discernible subject matter, about which people feel able to give opinions (rather than the “way” it is written, or the quality of the writing). Visual Art, or music is more obviously layered I suppose – it is clear that the subject matter is only part of the meaning. Maybe that stops people feeling able to critically engage with it? Pity.
The feeling of being totally unequipped to critically engage with ‘art’, and also very ‘awestruck’ by an artists ability to paint/draw/create, so totally out of my depth… is possibly what stops me. Not being able to see/understand the layers, or meanings, or sometimes even the subject matter is limiting too. My DH possibly unintentionally limits my desire, as he is not only good at ‘art’, but understands it critically, probably like your abilities. I remember when he was on the board of SALA, what I saw as ‘trailer trash’, he saw as a wonderful ‘modern installation’!!!
I would wish that my work is accessible to all – “Art” educated or not – so critique away! When I used to visit my dear late Aunt in her nursing home, she felt very free to critique; “Who did these? They’re b@#$% terrible!” – she was always very honest. Trouble was, she would immediately forget, and 10 min later would “critique” all over again. It was good for me. xx
Hmmm, perhaps I’ll try to comment more than press the Like button, but feel very nervous. Do I have to say why I do or don’t like something as feel it might be unfair or unkind to just say, ‘They’re b@#$% terrible’? Then again, maybe only ever saying ‘Lovely’ or pressing ‘Like’ is just as unkind??? xx
Ha just do what you want dear Kate. I agree my aunt could have been a tad more constructive! But it was hard for herr.
X
Great post Kate! I agree, critics make you question your intentions more deeply than fans. It’s easy to hear how appreciated we are but hard to hear we are not appreciated when we act with pure intention.
I think another big challenge in life is when we do things to please others to directly gain their appreciation … now that one never works out well (I’ve bumped into that one way too many times … ouch!)
agree agree agree, but of course, not always!!!