Not only do I miss seeing my boys Charles and Matthew, I miss hearing their voices, feeling their hugs, their son-style pecks on my cheek, seeing their faces and having them home for our weekly family dinner. The spontaneity of our conversations that are filled with the seriousness of our lives, are also interspersed with fun and happiness and are a highlight of my world (and that of my dear husband). We savour the moments we spend with them, we look back on the conversations, so well recalled by dear husband (and their dad), and the moments of our deepest grief about dementia is coloured brightly with their love and unwavering support. It is not in our faces as they say, but it is there, and we know that at a minute’s notice, they would be there for us, as we would for them. It is one of the great privileges as a mother to have sons who are willing to put themselves out for you, even if it is just to call by for a chat or a hug. Not once have they let me down, even when the pressure of living alongside a mother with chronic illness can and does get them down. I know they need to live their own lives, not just because they are young adults and it is theirs to live in their own ways, but because it also gives them space away from illness. This space is necessary for them to survive the emotional roller coaster that has been our lives, and allows them the strength to be there for us when we really need them. We have a shack at a beach called Arno Bay, and although it is almost a six-hour drive to get there, we will always try to hold onto it as it is a place of calm and rest, of walking along quiet golden beaches, and of extended families and fishing with Pa for them. Missing them now makes me want to go home early, but I know it is important for my dear husband and me to live our own lives too, and the effort we are making to create more of our own memories is, we have been told, very important for down the track on the dementia train. So I have been singing I want to go home inside my head all day, but for now, it will be just that, a song inside my head, and I am just happy I can remember that line at all.