Dementia Red-alert

The increasing load of living with a person with the symptoms of dementia on the BUB (back up brain or carer).

huge loadThe experience of travelling is becoming more difficult, especially for my BUB. He remains on red-alert as my distress levels and confusion go up due to the crowds, the noise and the lack of my usual routine. Traffic is also a problem as I am prone to ‘taking off’, not always realising the complexity of the traffic situation. We’ve called it Dementia red-alert!!

When I’m travelling I am less rational, more on edge, more likely to stop paddling because I am too tired to work out how  or what to do.

The other challenge when we travel is my dear husband is more exposed to my daily struggles, and the worry lines and furrows on his forehead become permanently set. During our usual weeks at home, he works 5 days a week, and our weekends are relaxed and quiet most of the time, which keeps him away from seeing the symptoms of dementia in full flight.

When he more stressed and anxious, his mood makes me worse.

The effect of his very understandable stress level on me is not something we have worked how to manage yet, as it is a very difficult time for both of us. For now, I can still see his side of the coin.

Is it progressing, or are we imaging it? We don’t think so, and the struggle of paddling has become very tiring. Sometimes I even give up, as the energy required to work out how to has gone. My brain and body shut down, sometimes with not even any lights on inside. It is certainly unnerving, and worrying and our fears for our future are more tangible. More real, making us more acutely aware of the dreams we are losing.

6 thoughts on “Dementia Red-alert

  1. I agree with Belle (comment above) …… travlling is stressful at the best of times.

    I have a ‘routine’ and my brain works best when my life works to this routine. Apparently even people without dementia etc like routine …. go figure!

    So I can totally understand where you’re coming from. But you’ll be back home soon, so enjoy being away while you can 🙂


  2. Okay, so my blog is not so well written today (according to my BUB), but I don’t care! Why, you might wonder? Well, because I love my blog!
    And why do I love my blog? Well, because of my wonderful readers who leave me such beautiful messages of support. I love you all! xox


  3. Hang on Kate….If you’ve been reading the oracle report you know these times are very demanding on us all! Do not be quick to blame just dementia. What is going on in the heavens is affecting us all. I am sure being in a strange location is very challenging to you and as a result most challenging for hubby as well. I wonder if traveling with a small photo album of home would help, to look through the pictures of familiar surroundings when you seem out of sorts? Go back to your hotel room and get quiet and just look at familiar pictures….Please know that everyone I talk to on my site is having very stressful time right now. You are not alone….Be well Kate and know you are loved by all….VK


  4. …..Dearest Kate……..all these feelings are ” normal ” for a person in your position, don’t panic, you must get used to it [although one never does] and try to keep going when you can….rest a lot,
    …..and be gentle on yourself……..Tony Hogben…


  5. I’m sorry about this. Travelling can be stressful in the best of circumstances, so I feel for you both. My relatives have a number of tales about travelling with my sister, including one where she and her companion went separately up and down in a lift/on stairs, repeatedly missing each other. Eventually there was a happy ending for that particular tale. I don’t know if this would help you guys, but my sister and her partner seemed to derive comfort from singing along to hymn tunes, Admittedly this was usually in the car, Hope the rest of the trip is fun, So much of the situation is about adapting to new stuff. X


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