Think before you speak (write): Is it kind?

In 2017, speaking also means email, texting, sending messages via Messenger, Twitter, Facebook or another form of social media. It seems though, that hidden behind a screen, people have forgotten to think before they speak (write), especially about whether what they say is kind.

Part of my stress this year has been due to extreme and malicious unkindness, but also, the role I have in DAI also means I get bullied or blamed for a lot of things, receive emails that are unkind, and even get accused of having PLOM disease for speaking up for myself.

Please, let’s all be kinder to each other. There is even some statistical evidence for it, which you can read by accessing this article; Kelley, J. M., Kraft-Todd, G., Schapria, L., Kossowsky, J., & Riess, H. (2014). The influence of the patient-clinician relationship on healthcare outcomes: A systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. PLOS One, 9:4, 1-7.

30 thoughts on “Think before you speak (write): Is it kind?

  1. Thanks Kate. I have noticed that I have received, both, more kindness AND more unkindness since my diagnosis. Talking openly about dementia seems to bring out the best in some people and the worst in others. My Dad used to say, if you can’t say something good about someone, say nothing…if you change “good about” to “kind to” it fits…wish more people lived by those words. Take care, and most of all, be kind to yourself. X


    • It’s a strange reality of dementia… i think those of us who also choose to be activists receive the full brunt of the changing base of ‘power’ and ‘knowledge’ the rest of the world has been used to.


  2. Pingback: Kindness |

  3. I am sorry to hear that you have been bullied and yes people sure do underestimate people with dementia-my grandma underestimates my grandad and she thinks he is “pretty good” healthwise when he has severe Alzhiermers-i hope people are being nice to you now, and just ignore those people, they have absolutely no idea of your medical history and they are just selfish-all the best


    • I survived it Sam, and strangely, it has made me stronger and more fragile, in equal parts. I’m still needing professional help for the ‘more fragile’ stuff, but cetainly have removed quite a few people off of my Christmas card list.


      • I am so pleased you have survived Kate and you are a strong person and have always been. Thats a good idea to remove them off your christmas card list-i am going to remove people of my christmas card list too(even though i dont normally write christmas cards)!!But on my email list. I removed one of my Dds friends of my email list yesterday because he said Alzhiermers is a ‘syndrome’ and laughed at me because i am writing a book to create awareness for people in Nz and internationally. Hey, i am on chapter 2 of my book now about the process of it for Grandad-this is going to be a long chapter! Have got 6 more chapters to write after this, not sure when its will be done, hopefully by next year. Hope your coping okay with the professional help. Best wishes, Sam


  4. Pingback: On surviving narcissists… |

  5. Pingback: A Reminder That Applies to All People, Including Our Loved Ones with Dementias and Alzheimer’s Disease | Going Gentle Into That Good Night

  6. Bringing about change is perhaps the most uncomfortable and hostile place we will find ourselves in. It goes with the territory unfortunately. It makes me think back to when race was huge in this country(USA) and Rosa Parks, an African American woman refused to get up out of her seat on the bus so white people could sit down. So outrageous we were even at such a point in our evolvement. Such courage she displayed, such grief she took on, but it created the beginning of change. The pioneers of the world take on great backlash from those who would rather cling to the old for safety rather than embrace the new. So many sick agendas connected to the backlash. If we wear pioneer shoes we know the road ahead will be rough but what makes us different is, we BELIEVE in what we are doing. Stay strong Kate, practice the art of being a duck. What? Yep, learn to let the antagonism roll off your back, do not hold onto it! Hugs to you….VK ❤


  7. What a lovely way to approach communicating – Helpful/True/Inspriring/Necessary/Kind. With Kind summing up at the end. For some reason it reminds me of that saying “the most important thing is love”.


    • Well now my dear friend Amazing Susan, being unkind if you are being honest, vs being dishonest, that is a whole other blog! Sometimes hearing the truth hurts, and always, telling a hard truth hurts the person who feels the need to tell it. I am learning, many thanks in part to dementia, to make an effort to be less direct and to be more thoughtful with my responses, and most of the time, if I get upset or annoyed, write a few drafts first in an attempt to tone it down. Of course, there are many days I fail but that does not make me a failure! I gather when dementia takes a much bolder grip of me, that may not even be possible… xxx


    • Sometimes, it is necessary to say something that another may not want to hear, but it is always preferable to be kind in our approach. I receive so many ‘blasts’ from people about what I have or haven’t done, what is right or wrong with hat I have or have not done (in their opinions), and on top of that, even if I apologise, old stuff (that I have always apologised for, even when there may have been nothing to apologies for!!!) keeps being brought back to slap me in the face! I guess I was feeling unkindly towards some people, so am the one also very much in need of this reminder to be kind…


  8. THINK….’T’…. true.
    Need some truth, perspective, support, etc in our lives right now. If these positives are there, then there’ll be less power games and libellous situations, as you well know too.


  9. Well said! Everyone should pause before they say, write or tweet. Check resources and ask the questions you posted.
    Thank you for sharing your courageous life. Remember trolls attack because they know they can’t do what you do.
    Much respect, DD


  10. … and being kind helps others feel good and helps you feels good! That doesn’t mean always agreeing or saying what you think they want to hear, but any comments can be made with kindness!


Leave a Reply to mhorvich Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.