After a few days recently of humour and displaced and subtle racism, chauvinism, and every other ism against women and non white Australians, I was ready for home. Most country people are not racist or sexist these days, but for many, their actual words belie their 21^st century promises. I also listened to people ask of others in the community, has Joe, Fred or Jane (pseudonyms) ‘lost the plot’? They haven’t visited this person they are talking about, just talking behind their back, and speaking about them as if dementia or the symptoms of dementia are something to be ashamed of, another indication that secrecy and shame are linked. By the end of it, I was wondering if this is how they talk about me behind my back, e.g. ‘Kate has lost the plot’! This does not only apply to country folk, as many city people are the same; the language of a lifetime is hard to change, and I certainly don’t believe the intent is malicious, but I always find it challenging to listen to. Words are so powerful, and not only can they built up our self-esteem and morale, they can completely diminish it. They can really hurt, and sadly we often only remember the hurtful ones. Almost everyone who has had some difficulties in their own childhood can often only focus on the negative memories, and sometimes simply seem unable to talk about or even remember the good things that must have happened. Someone I love dearly says he has not one happy memory of his childhood; I have talked to many others who were around at that time, and they seem to agree with his recollections. How sad is that, and how hard it must have been to get on with life. Fortunately he has, but not without some baggage that was passed on to others throughout his life. As adults, I believe we have a responsibility to heal our own emotional baggage, so that IT doesn’t hurt others, so that IT doesn’t subconsciously flavour our own behaviour and actions towards ourselves and others, especially our children. It is such a huge personal goal, but one that I tried to work on consciously most of the time. I think it is something we could be creative about. Creative work isn’t just mucking about and playing dress-up, the stakes are incredibly high and it’s as serious and demanding and challenging and potentially gut-wrenching as anything can be! Dealing with our emotional baggage (if we have any?!) is gut wrenching, but so worth the work. Changing our language so that our words do not accidentally (or intentionally) hurt others is worth working on. Not talking about people behind their back is worth doing; if you have something to say, about anyone, say it to their face! Never saying unkind things about others is also a goal of mine. Too often I am failing in all of these goals, but I keep thinking about them, and working on them.