The dementia is giving me the shits today (26/11/11), I feel like giving in to that bloody PLOM disease – yes, Poor Little Old Me! Fuck it, why shouldn’t I give in to it? Why shouldn’t I have an hour, a day, a week, or month of feeling like this? Well, a few moments or a few hours are okay, but I suspect if I let these feelings overwhelm me, I might give up the fight to keep living a life that has meaning and purpose, a life that is more than memory loss, grief, and the overwhelming sadness and apprehension about who I am becoming. It might mean I can’t be bothered working out how to open up my trusty little pc, work out how to write, and then post a blog, might mean I give up the struggle to shower and dress and blow dry my hair, give up the effort of being a friend, and as we know, friendship must be two ways or one will eventually give up. Blogging helps keep my friendships alive as it offer us ways to stay connected. It also offers me a way of knowing what the hell it is I was doing or thinking on most days. If I give in to PLOM disease, not only will I give up, I’ll definitely stop creating the new pathways in my brain that help me create, help me find the energy and time to work out how to get dressed, how to cook or sew or write, or whatever other task it is I struggle to do. Thankfully there are not many days like that one, but yesterday was one of them, and having dementia gave me the shits big time. Try as I might, I just could not work out how to use Refworks, a referencing program that I used to use about 10 times a day not that long ago! So I have cancelled most of my day already, to give the conference publications one last slog, one last go. It’s much harder than NaNoWriMo, but somehow I have to get it done. There can be no more tears today, I just have to get on with it.
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Oh Kate , I just can’t imagine your daily struggle with this bloody disease. On one hand I think a day off from life surely can’t be harmful on the other I worry that it could be the slippery slope of no return. FGS how much does one have to do!
I had a Great Aunt who at the age of 90 odd moved into residential aged care in the country. She was almost completely deaf and blind which made communication very difficult and often she chose not to respond to anything or anyone around her because it was too hard and life was oh so boring where she lived.
Auntie Helen was very fond of my mum who was just as fond of her and one day when mum visited she persisted to get Auntie Helen to open her eyes to ackowledge who she was. Eventually she did open her eyes and could see mum’s texta written note in large print that it was HELEN and Auntie Helen understood who it was. She was delighted to see mum and thanked her for persisting and said she had decided ‘to be despondant today dear’.
Dear Kate your friends and colleagues and of course family are here for you and we will persist, so if you need some a few hours off that’s OK…… I think!
Always thinking of you
love
Valerie (Sandlant)
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oh dear, i have just read your blog hope the day has ended better than it started for you kate my dear friend, xxxx email on its way love you
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Why should I complain!!! You just go girl and know how many people have you in their hearts – you are certainly in mine. Hope and love Robynx
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lol I thought you meant diarrhoea at first
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hahaha
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Be strong, be true, be you.
Love you forever, any help just ring. Pete.
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I can appreciate how frustrating that must be, when I get PLOM I sit and watch TV or sulk for half a day, then shake myself off and keep going, sometime it’s hard others instances it harder. That is not to say I face the same difficulties as you. I admire how well you are doing and the tenacity with which you keep ‘at it’.
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Thanks dear friend, and I always think, everyone’s individual difficulties and PLOM disease is as significant to them as anyone else’s. It reminds me of one son when he was little, being upset I had told someone he had a ‘girlfriend’ (about 6 yrs old), and he was devastated as had thought I would keep it a secret (which I should have). His tears were just as important to him then as mine were to me yesterday. There are some days as you say, it is good to just sit and rest with PLOM disease for a while before dusting oneself off and getting up again!
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