However, try to understand the meaning of what a person with dementia says requires much tact, and we should never interfere with communication and impose our interpretation of his words. We must be patient, listen well and recognize the signs that can help us understand what you are saying. I remember a woman who, in the midst of insanity, sat wringing her hands. When reassured repeated again and again: “Men like me.” What was I saying? Did it make sense or is not he? I could confirm that what he meant was right when the person closest to her was present. Only then calmed down and his eyes sparkled. It was not her husband, because she was a widow for 40 years, but his brother: “man like me.”

In order to understand we have to embark on a new and pretentious way to communicate with people who have dementia. Instead, we use proven techniques of counseling to help us listen better, to help more people to say of herself and, because of that, we can better understand the meaning behind fragmented expressions, sometimes incomprehensible for people with dementia.

Listen carefully and patiently, remember and use the little details, put in place, all helps us form an idea of ​​what you are saying.

Consider the plight of John.

Scenario. Juan just came to the center where you will live from now. His wife accompanies him, crying, because she can not take care of him and feels guilty. John is standing in front of his son, a little bewildered. Two caretakers accompany trying to inside center. No sense of hurry because John and his family have arrived later than they should and are already serving meals.

John begins to repeat: Where am I going? I’m not going anywhere without my cat! No, no, no! Where is my cat? And start calling the cat by name. Start agitated and angry when your child tries to hold the arm. Juan keeps calling the cat, but the cat died years ago.

Rhythm. should not speed up communication with a demented person. This is achieved by controlling and adjusting the speed of what is said and learning that breaks are not empty slots that must be filled with words, but a period during which that person may say something else. Remember that the person is demented who have to listen, not ourselves. Generally, when there is a pause, count to himself slowly to five before breaking the silence.

Unfortunately for him, the people surrounding John was in a hurry. Carers had to return to the dining room, the woman John wanted to go home and the son had work to do. Hence they heard what John said, but did not listen.

Listen focused. ‘s possible that despite our best intentions difficult listening to a demented person, it is not always easy to focus on what you are saying. Why? Because content is often dispersed, repetitive, disjointed and sometimes incomprehensible. So you need to concentrate, focus on what you hear, ask what they mean by their words and follow this line of questioning. Perhaps the importance not only in the words spoken, but also on the number of times they are repeated, so we can not stop with just hearing them. We must concentrate and listen actively. A good listener is always focused. And in the case of John, this does not happen. We ask your cat hear and immediately assume it is confusing. Have failed to listen and guess the meaning of his words may reflect their need to feel safe and secure. Call your cat may represent the need for security that had in the past. Would you soothed and relieved at that time the presence of your cat?

Nonverbal signs. understanding we have of a demented person depends not only on the words you say. Words are only one component of communication. It should also be aware of and take into account their tone of voice, the look on his face, eye contact, movement of his hands and his body posture. Sometimes words may be saying one thing and nonverbal signs reveal something different, indicating that the person is feeling something else, if this is the case, we must recognize and respond to these nonverbal cues.

John was confused, agitated and did not want to be touched. Certainly their nonverbal signs conveyed its concerns and confirmed his need for reassurance. However, this peace would not come because I just told him not to be silly, your cat was dead!

Active listening. It is show that you are listening, so that the person detects your interest in her and what she says, hoping that this will encourage them to keep talking. However, the caregivers often show little interest when faced with a person with dementia is “ranting”. Look the other way, are made ​​distracted respond badly and make superficial comments. Will it encourage a person to keep talking? Although his intellectual faculties are deteriorating, people with dementia are still intuitive and sensitive atmosphere created caregivers. Does it contribute to the communication environment, or shorted communication attempts clearly show that caregivers who are not listening?

The active listening skills tell us that we should put ourselves in front of the person, establish eye contact and show relaxed. A smile conveys a sense of warmth and interest, while a soft reassuring voice. And then there are gestures, “aha’s” and nods contributing to know that someone is listening. As also the occasional physical contact.

Nobody was interested in what John meant. All I could feel was that the people were in a hurry and tried to take out of the way as quickly as possible.

Reflective listening. We are trying to understand the meaning of the words of a person, what they know they are doing and how they feel. However, do not ask explanations. In fact, there is no question that we talk a lot. But it is important to show what we say we are listening and we want to continue talking. An excellent way to do this is “reflecting” the person what we have heard. To repeat what I have said, we provide a number of support points that encourage them to keep talking. But not only “reflect” their words and phrases, but also his feelings. For example:

Repeat a keyword repeat a short phrase the person has used Repeat, extending the main question of what they are saying to reflect what the person seems to be feeling reflect what the person has done or is doing

To hear John call out to her cat, who were by his side should have reflected:

“Are you angry, John?” Are you angry about being here? How important is the cat for you? Are you glad the day the cat?

Questions. never be bombarded with questions. It may even be the case that the careful use of nonverbal skills and reflective listening that lead to very few questions are formulated. We can do it “just keep talking”. If they ask questions, avoid that are open. Open questions are those that can not be answered with one word. For people with dementia, these questions are too complex. It is better to ask questions that can be answered closed with a “yes” or “no”, or a short phrase. People who are trying to communicate, closed questions, direct and concise can encourage them to respond with at least one word.

“John, are you worried?” “Do you know where you’ll be?” “Do you know who I am, Juan?” “Are you angry with us?”

General patterns of communication.

Reduce background noise that can be a source of distraction and interfere with listening and understanding. Alce voice slightly at the beginning to get the attention of the person. ‘s words should not be ambiguous. Use short sentences. If understanding is poor, say the same thing in different ways.

If you use these skills and to follow these guidelines will be easier to establish good communication, and begin to take steps to appreciate and understand the meaning and the feelings of those who traditionally have been misunderstood, or worse, ignored or rejected .

Professor Graham Stokes Director of Dementia Care, Bupa Care Services UK Honorary Visiting Professor of Person-Centred Dementia Care, University of Bradford