We were out shopping earlier today, and as we left home, I said to my husband I am in love with today! His retort was, what is so good about today with what is happening to you and us? No time was required to answer this as almost two years ago I was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease (MND) and told I had between 6 months and 2 years to live. The disease or at least the symptoms I was presenting, seemed to be  moving quite quickly, and along with other symptoms from another illness causing chronic pain, I had moved on to palliative care at home. It was a shock, to me, to my family, and to my very special friends. Many of these wonderful friends rallied around with visits, assistance, time together for shared memories and tears, and loads of love. In my mind, I was preparing to die. My family was preparing for this too. The dementia diagnosis had been a shock, but the reality of it being a terminal disease had not sunk in, whereas the MND seemed a much more real terminal diagnosis. I’m not sure why, most probably because of the many myths about dementia still in the back of my psyche. Anyway, it was a tough time. For well over a year, there has been no change or progression of any of the symptoms, so the diagnosis was either wrong, or I am very lucky. For now, there seems no point in needing to know why. I think I’ve written about this before so I apologise for being repetitive, but todays conversation has inspired further thinking on this topic.

There have been many wonderful bonuses come from that experience. Although we had faced it before and come through it, this time it had an intensity that I could not ignore. To start with, it has made having dementia seem more acceptable. The experience and the intensity of the feelings of grief and loss propelled me to share my soul with those I love, and in turn, they shared theirs. Too many times, we attend a funeral and find this is the time we tell someone how much we loved them. Of course, by then it is too late! This journey towards an anticipated early death has without doubt given me jewels beyond my wildest dreams. It has fuelled me to re-evaluate my life, to work out what is really important, who is really important to me, and not to sweat the small stuff. It has given me the opportunity to ask of everything, does it really matter? Reflection of my life and the people around me was intense, and like any other traumatic event, it has helped me discover those who truly care about me and who go out of their way to spend time with me either in person or via things like Facebook and email. I now also have a lot of new friends, met online or at events like the recent Fight Dementia rally, who reach out to me through this blog. Thank you all for your support and love. As I have been quoted saying in an interview a few weeks ago, You live until you die, which is why you all should reach out, search for your own meaning, and not wait for the chance of a terminal illness to make you sit up and take notice, live your life to the full and fully value every single person and experience you have had in your life. Life is like a luscious ripe peach; make sure you devour it before it is gone!