Resilience refers to an individuals’ capacity to successfully adapt to change and stressful events in healthy and constructive ways (Catalano, Berglund, Ryan et al., 2002a; Garmezy 1991). Oxford online dictionary: noun[mass noun] 1. the ability of a substance or object to
spring back into shape; elasticity: nylon is excellent in wearability, abrasion resistance and resilience; 2. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness: the often remarkable resilience of so many British institutions, http://oxforddictionaries.com.

Building resilience is important if we are to strengthen our capacity and our skills in order to reduce emotional and mental health problems. It is a skill worth developing as it will give you the ability to overcome obstacles of your past, obstacles in the future, and will help you recover from health, career or relationship setbacks and reach your full potential. And so, I say, encourage personal responsibility, accept more and question less. Believe in yourself and your past. Forgive your parents. Make a choice to live life with passion and reason, to make a difference in at least one other person’s life, and to live every day as if it is your last, just in case it is.

Yes, I believe you can make a choice. Life is no more than a series of experiences, some good and some bad. Moreover, it is important to believe you can make a choice in how you react. If you are feeling down, you may choose not to go to work, or refuse an invitation out with friends or colleagues. However if your best friend arrived on your door step from another country, your first time together for many years, I know you would pull yourself together, stop wallowing in your misery and enjoy the time together. I honestly believe if you take a long hard look in the mirror, you will eventually see this. If initially, it is too difficult to look within, start on your best friend, or quietly and anonymously analyse the actions of someone you do not get along with. It will be easier in the beginning to be honest weeding someone else’s garden. Then when you get used to analysing someone else – without telling them what weeds you see in their personal garden of life – try it on yourself. Usually the faults you see in others are merely a reflection of your own. Look hard in that mirror even if for a while you have to take your glasses off!

Next time you have the chance, watch a small child’s response to falling off a bike and skinning their knee. If their mother is not there, and especially if their friends are present, they will not end up in tears or woefully complain about the pain. Follow them and watch their response when their friends are gone and their mother is there. Yes, they will cry for her attention, to make sure she notices their pain. Many years ago my young children would often complain of being too tired for homework or housework, or way too busy to go to bed… but always found renewed energy and enthusiasm if I suggested a trip to the beach or movies. Eventually they worked it out! They stopped playing my game, but they did start to learn the lesson they have a choice. They learnt to take personal responsibility, not just for their actions, but also for their reactions and emotional responses. They developed maturity beyond their years with a strong ability to make choices about whether to be happy or sad, to be angry or accepting. This, I believe, is what it takes to develop resilience.

When faced with a new problem, my standard reaction is to ask myself, will it be a problem in a year? If it will, then I work on a solution to fix it immediately, rather than spending time bemoaning the problem. It if won’t be a problem in a year, then I work on forgetting about it; I virtually guarantee if you spend no time lamenting or worrying over a
crisis if it doesn’t need ‘fixing now’ you will barely be able to remember it that night, let alone the next day.

Get rid of PLOM disease (Poor Little Old Me). It will only cause you to spend more time with negative thoughts, less time being happy and constructive.

My father’s advice to me many times during my childhood was to only act grown up when you absolutely have to. I spent many years trying to take his advice, but was so wrapped up in myself and in being serious, I could not truly understand it. Now I try to act more like a child, with uncomplicated naivety and freshness, but hopefully with the wisdom of an adult. I try to let the simple things take my fancy, do good deeds, love more openly and spend more time thinking about things other than myself. I strive to let go of my hang-ups, let go of the past injustices I felt others may have inflicted upon me and look for wisdom and lessons in every situation; to find ways to forgive and move on and in doing so help myself  become more resilient, to see the goodness in the world, and to live my one and only life to the max!