Dementia represents the end of dreaming, a long and unforgiving one way odyssey into obscurity, clouded in a thick and unforgiving fog. I wrote that some time ago, and in many ways still feel the same. There are many days when I am tempted to detest having dementia and the disabilities it is inflicting on me, and I fight against the deep sadness and the thick and unforgiving fog that tries to envelop me like a shroud of darkness. However, being fearful and sad is not an option I can afford to indulge in as it will erode my ability to achieve and enjoy the now, for as long as I can. At the moment, I am paddling harder than ever before to keep up with the PERMA principles I believe are my best chance of remaining positive, and all of the other non pharmacological and positive psychosocial interventions I use. The feeling that I am not overcoming my disabilities as well as even a week ago is strong. Are they getting worse, or am I simply not trying hard enough? For now, I choose the latter, and will spend time working out how to paddle harder and faster. A registered nurse told me about 18 months ago, ‘you know, it [dementia] will get you in the end, so why are you working so hard and believing you can overcome it?’ This was very unsettling at the time, and is haunting me at the moment. Research says it ‘will get me in the end’, but quite frankly I’d really like the end to be a lot further away! Yet again, I have wondered what to write about for my blog, and have decided the NaNoWriMo way is what will work the best. It may be rambling, and more personal, but it is my reality. My blog is about recording my thoughts and world, for me, but now is also an insight for those of you who have chosen to join me on my train ride. The journey is not always smooth, and not always fun, but it is definitely interesting. It occasionally feels like a ride into oblivion, and the end of dreaming; a ride with no great ending. One of these days, I will let you know…
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That is an awful ‘comment’ for an RN to make, was it more of a question? As an RN and trying to cope with my 63 year old husbands advancing Alzheimer’s, I find that very insulting. I love reading your blogs 98% of the time as it gives me some insight into what is happening with my Johns mind. I have learnt everyone is so different in regards to Alzheimer’s progression and just want to say, you are doing so well. – being so positive and dealing with what ‘life’ has thrown at you xx
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Thank you, although I’m struggling to work out the comment you have referred to… obviously it can’t have upset me!! And I’m glad my blog helps you care for your loved one. Take care, and stay positive too. xx
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Sorry Kate, the comment I was referring to was what the Registered Nurse (RN) said to you around 18/12 ago about why are you working so hard to overcome dementia, when it will get you in the end! All I can say is you must keep on fighting and doing your best to overcome it with the help of family and friends – best of wishes and a hug from me xx
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Got it; and yes, I thought it was rather harsh too at the time, especially coming from a ‘caring’ professional!! xo
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Keep writing (keep dreaming); I’m listening carefully. – Worrywart (this is my classroom gravatar – I haven’t been posting and keep forgeting to change gravatars).
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Lovely to hear from you, I have missed you! 🙂
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I can only offer you a ‘cyber hug’ at the moment as my flu is terrible and I’m stuck in Keith. I also wonder whether or not environmental factors add to your fog, like the cold? Not that this is a reason, but I do wonder as I am suffering from the cold and it makes my brain struggle with it all.
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Thanks dear, I have wondered this too, but love the cold!
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Yes Kate maybe it is the dreaded cold that contributes even more
to how you feel.(Had to add that to put my opinion in about the
cold winter weather)
PS I don’t hate it but I definitely like Spring and Summer better.
Wrapping my arms around you for a bit hug sweetie.xox
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haha, I love winter, and you! xx
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