Remember when is the beginning of so many conversations when meeting with friends or family whom you have shared moments with. At family reunions, school reunions, reunions with colleagues, and so on, all rely heavily on memory for you to be able to fully participate. Another one so often spoken is, don’t you remember, for example when you missed an appointment, or can’t remember a comment or event. These and a few other phrases like this are the daily reminders of the memory loss or memory dysfunction deficits faced by a person living with dementia. Thinking about this has inspired me to write a poem instead of a longer blog. There are some days when less is more.
Remember when
Moments shared with friends
Remember when seemed simple
Harry’ wand needed!
Isn’t that so frustrating, Kate, when people rely on your “memory” to participate in an event. I think that is ridiculous, and people should just tell people with dementia what they have been up to and have a nice conversation, maybe one on one, or people should include them in a group conversation, and talk about topics they remember. It is always frustrating when people say “don’t you remember you have missed…”, especially to someone with dementia. At family functions, most of the family talk to my Grandad about what they have been up to, which i am very thankful for, but unfortunately some don’t.
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Yup! And I’m glad some of your family live in the moment with your granddad. X
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Me too. I have had a lovely day today, Kate-i visited him in respite care this afternoon and i had a lovely time-it was fabulous! In the respite care there are so many people with dementia, and the occupational therapist was talking to them and they did a quiz on royals-a topic those oldies are well known of the past and i got to read out all the questions to them-it was lovely. I also bought some chips and lollies, primarily for my Grandad, but i handed them out to all the others residents too-i love elderly people dearly. He is actually really relaxed in respite care and he was actually the best shape he has been in in a long time-i personally find care visits easier-it’s like i have got the old Grandad back. I got to read out the quiz and that was really fabulous and i got to tell the elderly people information about myself and my grandad. The occupational therapist was soooo lovely. The occupation therapist and the elderly applauded me at the end-it was beautiful. I had a lovely dinner with my Grandad and had a shepard pie and vegetables-yum! He is making friends in respite care which is soooo wonderful and very involved-i was taken aback(in a good way). Sadly, i then had to depart, but i am looking forward to hopefully seeing him on Saturday. There was a 106 year old lady in the home and she was incredible for her age-what a lady! She was lovely and there was a 97 and 94 year old lady in the home too-they were both incredible for there age too.
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I don’t know how much of a problem this is for you, but with my type of dementia I am ver conscious of what I don’t remember and am faced with it all the time, and it is a source of constant sadness. So I have my own “remember when” type of conversation with myself that I don’t have to have with others. AFter all, I have very little contact with others anymore and although I see my mother each day (since I live with her) she never or very rarely (can’t say ‘never’ since i don’t remember ..!!) tells me “remember when ……”
eg. if I were to go on a train I’d be saddened that I used to catch the train to school or to work for decades and I don’t remember any of it …… then when I get to a destination I’ll be reminded that I don’t remember the suburb and I’ll be sad because I’ll be reminded of all the things that I used to do in the suburb that I don’t remember anymore.
There are countless examples of my own ‘internal dialogue’ of “remember when” but that’s the point ….. I d-o-n-t remember and it makes me sad.
Oh well…..
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try not to be too sad, although I do understand why xo
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Nice haiku.
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Thanks 🙂
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