This morning, I received an email from SF (someone I don’t know), whose first name is the same as a girlfriend SP, and whose last name is the same as my girlfriend’s husband’s first name. My mind played tricks on me, and I saw it as coming from my girlfriend, a not uncommon mistake that may have been made by others with or without dementia. In response to this persons ensuing query, “How do I know you?” I then realised my mistake, and responded with, “… I accidentally thought you were SP, whose husbands name is FP!! Funny how one can so easily overlook the reality!” SF then responded with “Overlooking the reality is a positive attribute that we could all do with some of, some of the time”.

Life is so complicated even without dementia, and it is easy to make mistakes, but this conversation has me thinking about the value, or not, of overlooking reality. Some might term it denial, and I have written about the value of denial following a diagnosis of dementia a few times, as it can be a wonderful form of respite, a place to drop into for a while, to take a break. A healthy respite, as long as you don’t stay there. In Accepting dementia, I talked about denial again. Overlooking reality could be seen in the same way, as I prefer to think of myself as a person who is still functioning well, but with disAbilities I need to accommodate.

I’m still a whole person, with feelings and desires, and things I still want to achieve. I am still a mother and wife, a daughter and sister, an aunty, a friend, a writer and speaker, even though I have disabilities caused by the symptoms dementia. Often it is easier to overlook the reality, as this is the only way I can focus on living; it is often my best route to seeing the assets I still have, rather than viewing the deficits that are increasing. Whatever way I find to give myself respite from the symptoms of dementia, that also help me find ways to contribute to my community and family, are the right way for me. Overlooking reality and jumping into denial occasionally are definitely a part of my regime that works well for me.