In life, whether it is in a professional, friend or family relationship, or it is caring for a person with dementia or some other illness, we often hear the phrase, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I think this is a rough translation of the 10th Commandment, and hear it often. I used to say it a lot too, and probably believed it.

In a multicultural society, I now believe this is not a suitable way to treat others, and in my opinion, in any community or family it doesn’t work. For example, my own family are prone to stay silent and not get involved, and dislike direct honest communication. I detested this as a kid, and as a result, responded in my own life by being overtly direct. I have had to become mellower in my approach with them and others, as many find it offensive or abrasive. Outside of our own families, different groups will want to be treated differently too. A Christian will wish to be treated quite differently to a Muslim or Aboriginal Australian, and even within Christian groups, their interpretation of the Bible may differ greatly and therefore the way they wish to be treated. This has become a given in our multicultural society, and this is as it should be.

Many of the care workers in aged and dementia care do not understand not only the language the residents speak, e.g. English, Polish, German, Dutch, Italian, French, Aboriginal, and so on, but many of the cultures of the different groups. According to the ABS, there are more than 160 languages spoken in homes in Australia, and with that in mind, how can any care worker know the language, beliefs, customs or rituals all of these multicultural groups? Some groups would prefer to sleep outside, and not in a bed. Most would prefer not to be seen naked by strangers. Some cultures prefer to sit on the floor and eat food with their fingers, rather than sit at a table and use cutlery. Therefore surely treating everyone the same is 100% inappropriate.

In a Residential Care Facility – I am going to stop calling them Residential AGED Care Facilities because there are many younger people living in them – the vision statement of most is that it will be like living at home. If this is so, then why is everyone made to eat at the same time each day, and the same food as each other? Why are they all made to sleep in beds? Why is everyone expected to get up before the 8am breakfast? Will I be labeled difficult or someone with challenging behaviours because I prefer to eat breakfast at 11am, and depressed or unwilling to socialise, because I will  stay in my room reading most days. I’ll certainly be deemed obstructive when I refuse to play Bingo!!

If a Residential Care Facility is to be homely, then surely the  furniture should not be the same in every room, the colour schemes not all pastel, and not all the same in every room? How can it be homely, if it looks like an institution? My message is simple: do not treat others as you would wish to be treated, but ask them how they would like you to treat them, and then do your utmost to accommodate their differences. Treating residents in a care home, like they are special guest in your own home, will allow you the insight to afford them the same generosity as you would a real guest.