It seems the paddling is really becoming more challenging, and in fact a whole lot harder, lots more flapping of the wings and paddling of my feet! Because of this, I feel I have had to rationalise a few things I’ve been doing and somehow try to work out what to give up or let go of, or do less often. Most importantly in this process, this rationalising cannot in any way undermine my ‘glass half full’ psyche and feelings of positivity, engagement, positive relationships, meaningful achievement (the PERMA Principles). It’s a bit like readjusting your undies and thermals when travelling in the UK, lots of wiggling and jiggling and almost falling over!!
Some of the readjustments I make are simpler, things like having prompts set up in my family’s calendars, to remind me to act on the prompts that bleep away at me from my phone and online calendar at home. Other strategies that have been working, are not as effective anymore, for example I’m having to revise some of the things that have previously helped me to continue to study as many are not working any more. I thought the easiest way to work out how to help myself, was to write it down, and then share it with you, as the public sharing usually brings with it a type of motivation to keep going, and lots of lovely new ideas from some of you on ways to help.
So, what is (currently) not optional?
- Breathing
- Eating
- Drinking water
- Loving my family and friends is definitely not optional
- Daily writing and blogging is not optional, at least for now
- Adding a new recipe until 1st January 2013
- Uni work is not optional until sometime in 2013
What is now optional?
- Cleaning too often is optional. I gave that up years ago!!
- Advocacy work is optional, and so I gave some of it up yesterday
- Cooking
- Washing dishes – my dear husband has been doing this for me for years
Maybe optional??
- Responding to comments on my blogs, although I feel very uncomfortable about this one, as it will decrease my sense of community and increase my loneliness (I have not responded to them for the last couple of days, and haven’t yet decided on how I feel about it, and am nervous of the reaction to this, if any, from those who write to me will be)
- Responding to comments on twitter or Facebook, although that will also decrease my sense of community and increase my loneliness
Please add your suggestions!! Your comments and support is very important to me and often gives me the motivation to keep going. Thank you.
Hi Kate ……(this is a short reply as I only returned from holiday yesterday and I’m exhausted …..)
I’m really sorry that the things you love doing are getting harder to do. Really sorry as these are the things that keep you motivated and happy despite all the ups and downs. Hope that you can find a level you’re confortable with, Some ideas ….
– from my experience nobody except you replies to my blog comments, even those that I put in my email address. Since 99.999999% of bloggers don’t respond, you should feel that you can stop doing this and it won’t be anything “wrong”. It’s only your high expectations that make you feel b ad about stopping it …. and you are still communicating with people when you use Facebook.
– If you blog and are on Facebook, is twitter necessary? Could you stop doing twitter? That would be one less thing to think about. You could easily just post the thought on your Facebook page rather than send a tweet …… know what I mean? I’ve used twitter sometimes but I don’t get a-n-y sense of community using it as it’s not as “personal” as Facebook and blogging. Have a think about this.
Maybe you could have a sign-off at the end of each blog post referring people to you Facebook page because many might not even know about it. You don’t post much, if anything, on Facebook. do you??
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Lovely to have you back … and I hope you enjoyed your holiday. Good ideas as always, I have stopped replying tpo many comments now to save brain energy, but wanted to respond to this pone as you’ve been away! I mostly use twitter and facebook now as a way of staying connected as often it is the only ‘chat’ I have with anyone other than my husband each day. Almost no-one calls in or phones these days, so if I gave it up, the isolation and loneliness would increase significantly. As my padddling gets harder, these are also the things I’ve been using to distract myself from the sadness of it all..
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dear darling kate, as curtisclan has said in their blog reading your blog is not optional is is a GIVEN for me, and for many others to. If you have to rearrange your undies n thermals more often you go girl wiggling and jiggling i think that keeps most parts of you moving hahaha, for excercise purposes only of course,(lol) Not so good to hear you are struggling more each day and you definitely just need to do what is best for you not us, if blogging is it then do it, but I for one will not be offended if it is not done each day, but as you said you like to do it, but if you havent replied either, im sure people will understand.oh pete i think madge” hands will do good work in the forseeable future to so keep up the good work . hahah
to the moon and back
jac xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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great blog, hard tasks of choice – Good Luck
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Dear Kate,
I just read your post this morning again which I enjoy doing each day. This has become a “not optional” part of my day as you continue to inspire and motivate me in my life journey.
I understand your paddling and flapping harder and harder and am sorry living is becoming much more challenging for you.
I would just like to remind you that BTS is “a optional” for you and I personally would not know how I will cope with out your support but as a thought maybe this will be another thing you might need to slow down on.
You have given so much of your time, effort and expertise to the group and we are so grateful but would fully understand you taking a back seat.
Please don’t feel pressured to continue to support us still with the same enthusiasm you have shown over the past hard year. It has been an extremely challenging, demanding and trying time.
I am sorry I have relied on you as much as I have, and I know it is time I bounced more ideas off of some of the others within the group instead.
I realise you need to look after you first and you need to do whatever that is.
We love you Kate and will continue loving you whatever you decide or do.
I will also need to readjust my undies and I will keep things crossed for you and your health!
Love Deb xoxoxox
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This is very honest Kate – and very helpful too, I would think. My immediate reaction was to drop anything that is in any way a “burden” or indeed a “duty”. Some people thank others for every response or RT on Twitter – I started off doing this but now feel this is not a good use of time. It is mechanical, rather than heartfelt. I respond and RT generously, but only when it is “genuine”. If people disapprove, they do not need to follow me!
Responding like this on your blog IS heartfelt. I think you will know that and you certainly do not need to reply. I’m sure your other contributors, many of whom clearly know and love you personally, will feel the same. The last thing they would want is to add to something that could “pull you down” as you paddle rather than give you strength and encouragement.
How about just responding to comments where you really feel you want to or perhaps to welcome new contributors? I will keep reading and enjoying your amazing blog – and comment from time to time. Hopefully this will give you a much deserved sense of community, far more than whether you force yourself to keep responding. Hope this helps a little.
AND. I loved your comment: “It’s a bit like readjusting your undies and thermals when travelling in the UK, lots of wiggling and jiggling and almost falling over” – VERY cold here at the moment. Lots of wiggling and jiggling :-))
Gill x
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Nice to know you appreciate the dish washing although my hands are looking a little like ‘Madge’ in the old palmolive ad. xxx
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