Talking eventually becomes an embarrassment or humiliation for a person with dementia. I am finding this now; if I’ve committed to an event or forum, as I get tired, my words start getting jumbled, or the word finding gets worse. The more formal part is easier, as I always refer to notes, but the question time or other sessions are more difficult. I am finding now though that talking to friends on the telephone, or socialising even one to one now makes me feel embarrassed as I can ‘hear’ my small slips of the tongue. Almost no-one comments, occasionally a friend has very kindly said, ‘don’t worry about it’, but it is not easy for me to make light of it. I make a huge effort to talk more slowly to try to give my brain the time it needs, but I can’t always find the words anymore, or they are less intelligible.
It feels like I am a really old wall, with little bits of me crumbling away. There are posts and other bits helping hold me together, but eventually they will give way too. A friend rang me on the weekend, and said how hard it had been to get to talk to me. I thought it was just that; either I’d missed the call or forgotten to call back, which is the truth, but as I’ve been thinking about it, perhaps there is more. Her comment has made me consider more deeply what is going on, and I suspect it is the feelings of embarrassment and humiliation that also impact my desire to ‘pick up’ or my ‘remembering’ to return the call . The difficulty with being embarrassed about talking is it tends to isolate PWD even more. It can feel easier to let the phone ring out than make a fool of myself.
Maybe this is why people with dementia start to give up communicating. Perhaps it is not only the difficulty we have with things like word finding, but also the humiliation of having to listen to ourselves stumble and jumble with our words? Of course, our family and friends don’t mind, but how we feel about these changes must surely colour the way we respond to the symptoms of dementia? Is it simply easier to say nothing, than to humiliate ourselves? Something for me to ponder…
Working with people with Dementia, they do stumble, jumble , mumble, fumble, rumble and tumble with words but when I sit there and listen wholeheartedly they relax,smile and feel appreciated. Kate, from what I can see and read on your blog you have so many friends and people who really take the time to listen to you, so please keep your words coming. Paul
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Thanks for taking the time, and listening… and for your online friendship and support…
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芸能人 着用
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Interesting. Somebody told me that some people with dementia say “No” because saying “No” takes less effort than saying “Yes”. I would imagine that is another step on the road to avoiding talking completely. And it IS so embarrassing in this world that overvalues articulacy to open the mouth and find you can’t say what seemed perfectly clear in your head. Which says more about our world than about people with disadvantages. We need to progress to a place where cognitive abilities are not the only measure of success.
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It was interesting to begin to think about it so deeply. And I’m booking into that Utopia you talk about too!!!
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i agree pete, i rang you on weekend kate dear and i thought you spoke good to me, an i could understand you or you hid it well, either way keep chin up darling, and if you stumble along then you stumble, i will be with you all the way as BUB will be to. i dont have the words as other freinds do on comments so i will just say what i say and hope its ok.to the moon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Your words are perfect dear one xxxxx
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Don’t give up. Your words are an inspiration to so many, all the more because of the extra effort it costs you to offer them. As a speech therapist, I could suggest strategies I’m sure you’ve heard before. But, instead I’ll just pray for strength, for you and for all of us.
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Thanks for your support, as always. My neighbour is a speechie, so plenty of tips available!
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Your words and writings have more thought and insight than almost anyone I know. Philip is right about most people opening there mouth when there minds in neutral. Your wheels may be spinning a little but your mind is well and truly in gear. Love you forever. Petexxx.
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Maybe you’re just a teensy weensy bit biased???!!! Love you forever too xoxox
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Thanks for your words, Kate; they give insight where insight is so hard come by. For those of us who open our mouths to talk barely without thinking, who take that capacity for granted, it may give us pause for thought to treat that ability with more care – to think … then speak. Whatever the case with conversation, your writing remains eloquent, meaningful and thought-provoking. It is our privilege to read your thoughts.
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Hang in there Kate – what you have to say is just as meaningful and valuable, slow, fast, clear or a bit jumbly! You inspire so many.
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