6 thoughts on “A talk for anyone who has ever loved, by Esther Perel”
I’ve watched this talk four or five times since it was first delivered in 2015. I believe, as she says indirectly and almost in passing, that the “victim” of an affair (i.e. the partner who has been cheated on) may in fact be the instigator in the sense that she or he has betrayed her or his partner in other ways which “drive” the cheater to cheater. I also don’t believe human beings are “designed” to be monogamous for life, when our average life span (at least in the west) is double what it used to be. I don’t believe in laying blame on any one (or two) of the parties involved in an affair; I think affairs are more often than not the result of the actions and behaviours of all those involved whether they are willing to take responsibility or not.
Thanks for your comments AS… I feel very simlarly about many of the things you have written. I also don’t think humans were destined to be monogamous either. Everyone needs to take responsibility, most definitely! No victims, just personal growth is how I see it. xx
Thought provoking Kate. We old boilers often laugh and think who could be bothered going to all the trouble of an affair but this looks at it from a much different prospective, cheers Ness
I’ve watched this talk four or five times since it was first delivered in 2015. I believe, as she says indirectly and almost in passing, that the “victim” of an affair (i.e. the partner who has been cheated on) may in fact be the instigator in the sense that she or he has betrayed her or his partner in other ways which “drive” the cheater to cheater. I also don’t believe human beings are “designed” to be monogamous for life, when our average life span (at least in the west) is double what it used to be. I don’t believe in laying blame on any one (or two) of the parties involved in an affair; I think affairs are more often than not the result of the actions and behaviours of all those involved whether they are willing to take responsibility or not.
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Thanks for your comments AS… I feel very simlarly about many of the things you have written. I also don’t think humans were destined to be monogamous either. Everyone needs to take responsibility, most definitely! No victims, just personal growth is how I see it. xx
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Thought provoking Kate. We old boilers often laugh and think who could be bothered going to all the trouble of an affair but this looks at it from a much different prospective, cheers Ness
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It sure does ness… makes one think for sure! X
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I can recommend her book- ‘The State of Affairs- Rethinking Infidelity’. A thought provoking but balanced exploration x
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Thanks for the tip. x
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