Mind reading

I’ve been reading about Frida Kahlo since the quote below was highlighted on Facebook recently, and I’m not so sure it is such good advice.

Why? Because it’s expecting others (a husband, in Frida’s case) to be mind readers.

Frida Kahlo told her husband,

“I’m not asking you to kiss me, nor apologize to me when I think you’re wrong. I won’t even ask you to hug me when I need it most. I don’t ask you to tell me how beautiful I am, even if it’s a lie, nor write me anything beautiful. I won’t even ask you to call me to tell me how your day went, nor tell me you miss me. I won’t ask you to thank me for everything I do for you, nor to care about me when my soul is down, and of course, I won’t ask you to support me in my decisions. I won’t even ask you to listen to me when I have a thousand stories to tell you. I won’t ask you to do anything, not even be by my side forever. Because if I have to ask you, I don’t want it anymore.”

The day I can read someone else’s mind, I may change my mind about this quote, but seriously, I have enough trouble working out my own thoughts and desires, so will continue do my best not to expect others to know what I need or want.

We advise people to get their Advance Care Directive done, so their families will know they want when they are near end of their life.

Parents and schools teach their children to speak up, to ensure they have a voice, and so their needs are being met.

Gosh, we are even advised to tell our intimate partners what we want, so as not to be disappointed!

Communication is a two way thing, and is not only about the spoken words, which allow us to exchange information, but words are also the medium through which we communicate what is in our hearts, the paintbrush that we use to create, for another, the picture of who we are or what we want.

I will not be expecting or needing anyone to read my mind.

To be heard, use your a voice.

2 thoughts on “Mind reading

  1. I love the work of Frida Khalo, but can’t gel with her above quote. I’m afraid I have expected these things in a relationship. Perhaps that’s where I went wrong xx

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    • Agree Julie… it is definitely not helpful or sensible to have expectations, of anyone or about anything! We are both retired nurses, and if patients hadn’t told us about their pain or other symptoms, we could not have nursed them very well! Yet, weirdly, many people in a relationship do expect their partner to know what they want or are thinking! We are an odd species…xx

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