Yikes… our teenagers have become adults. How on earth did that happen?!
Life in the fast lane, that is, bringing up children, working, running a home, keeping yourself engaged in life beyond those things, staying fit, managing health issues, working on your relationships, helping others and generally speaking, just living, is incredibly time-consuming and busy. It sometimes gets in the way of realising the changes in your children that were taking place, have actually happened. It is easy to continue being the (often bossy) parent, telling them how to live their lives, rather than loving and encouraging them on their journeys. It is simpler to tell them what not to do, or how to do it, because we all think our way is the best way. Well… we do have more experience than them, we tell ourselves! It is easier to sit in judgement of their actions than accept they might want to live their lives another way. Their way of communicating is one example of doing things differently.
In 2007 I was debating as part of a course I was enrolled in at the University of South Australia, about the new social networking versus the way my age group communicated. Of course, I lost the argument, I was the only person other than the lecturer over the age of 21! The final dagger was this beautiful young female student, with hands on hips and lips pursed, forcefully ensuring me my parents would have disapproved of the way we communicated with each other, when we were her age. Of course, what could I say? She was right. And so I joined Facebook, only to discover the fun of such instant connection, and the joy of being included into the worlds of my young student buddies and other younger friends. To be able to share photographs immediately, rather than wait for an album or slide show is brilliant, even if sometimes invasive. The trick is to be restrained occasionally, and think about whether what you say or do on Facebook (or any other social network) is something you can live with later on, and also doesn’t offend, or tread over the lines of others privacy.
I want to repeat what I have read, and previously written on my blog, as a reminder to myself of what I think we need to do. When your child is no longer a child, you will have to find a new language (Karin Fossum, 2003, Don’t look back, p. 108). Using social networks has educated me and engaged me in ways that have helped me find a new language, helped me change my thinking and behaviour, helped me accept their world, and stopped me from being so judgemental. One thing I have recently realised however, is they will not have what I call hard copies of a significant part of their own social history. They will not have as many hand written love letters or letters from family and friends (if any at all). Their children won’t be able to sit and ponder over things they said to each other in their teens, won’t be able to pore over old photo albums with laughter and love. It is beautiful and nostalgic reading hand written letters from the people you loved who are no longer alive. Yet this new generation will probably have things from their lives that I don’t. For example, I don’t have any video footage of my grandparents and friends, recordings of them speaking, any sort of record of their lives other than a few letters. I do have a lot of emails and text messages, but if I don’t save them, I may lose them. I’m not even sure I know how to save them long-term, especially text messages!
And so it seems, I have a lot to learn from my teenagers and their friends who have become young adults, a lot more yet to learn about who they are and who they are becoming. Finding a new language is in progress, finding ways to accept them unconditionally, without judgement, is a work in progress, and loving them not just as their mother, but loving them as whole adult human beings with values, thoughts and roles of their own.
