A reason, a season, or a life time

I’m a little slow these days, but think I am working things out. Sometimes old friends or family don’t want to be back in touch. Perhaps the years in between contact have been too long, or they think there is no longer anything in common, or they just don’t like you or want to be connected any more. Does it really matter? No. And absolutely no need to stalk them either!! There are thousands more people in the world, and losing ‘contact’ or ‘friendship’ does not make any difference to who you are. I feel absolutely blessed to be connected to so many beautiful people, some closer than others, but all friends just the same. Thank you all for coming into my life, whether it is for a reason, a season, or a life time. This is what I posted on my Facebook wall last night, and I felt it worthy of further comment.

Over the past few years, as I have been maturing, I have felt the need to re-connect with old friends, older family members like elderly aunts and uncles, cousins that I’ve not met before, or not seen for years. Sometimes this has turned into new or renewed friendships, sometimes not. Occasionally, I have not accepted being a Facebook friend with someone I know. Why, I have asked myself. It has only ever been because the person asking for friendship on Facebook has not been a true friend to me, never because I don’t want the friendship. There are people in our lives who may actually love us, or may believe they are our friend, they just don’t treat us like one. These few words I wrote on Facebook, this further pondering, has beckoned me to question friendship, and the many roads and forks it offers us.

So what is being a friend all about? Well, I thought I’d start with what I believe are not part of being a friend. Talking badly about a person, especially behind their back to others, is not being their friend. Stating untruths, telling blatant lies about someone is not being their friend. Being revengeful and envious is not being a friend. Stealing from them is not being a friend, whether it is possessions or their words (i.e. plagiarism). And so, what is being a friend about? Borrowing is ok, as long as it is with permission. Speaking kindly is always a good place to start friendship, to their face, and behind their backs. Telling the truth, always, is the only way forward for friendship. Friends forgive each other, don’t have to see each other all the time, and are there for you when the going gets tough. Loving, caring for, and accepting unconditionally, are the purest goals of all… I hope I am at least some way towards achieving them. Most important, being a nice person to everyone is my preferred pathway, whether we become friends or not. If happiness is the way, then being nice is surely the first step.

I get by with a little help from my friends (John Lennon). Thank you.

 

5 thoughts on “A reason, a season, or a life time

  1. This is a very interesting and fascinating topic, Kate. You are a lovely person, Kate, and please remember that. A so-called friend is someone who does something silly with a person like drugs, Alcohol etc. A fake friend is someone who envy’s someone elses possessions like money, jewellery etc. A fake friend is someone who tells lies, and negative things about the person behind there back. A fake friend is someone who steals without returning, only rings about things they need help with-not ever catch up because they want to, and doesn’t say negative things to there friend, and there partner and children. A real friend is someone-who organises nice catch ups, supports you when times are tough, enjoys your company, has fun with you, borrows as long as they say thanks, and forgive each other. Being a nice person counts too. Rekindling friendships is fantastic. Sometimes, people don’t want to have you back in your life because it’s been decades, they don’t like the person anymore, and having nothing in common too. I am blessed for all the wonderful friends and family in my life too, and hope to catch up with them soon. How lovely reconnecting with Aunts, Uncles, and cousins, Kate-enjoy your times with them-aunts, cousins, uncles and godparents are so precious.

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  2. Very good ! Friendship is the greatest gift to allow us to express who we really at our cores plus we get the reward. It is a marvelous system. Visionkeeper

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  3. I have a definition of Friendship that has stuck for me.
    Friendship is about Loyalty, Caring and spending time together.

    I think your description encompasses much of these. With caring, as adults it is more ‘care about’ rather than ‘caring for’, in that caring for requires permission from the adults concerned. Hence, rather than assume I know what is best for a friend, I try to give them opportunities, advice, etc, and they can make the choice. Obviously it doesn’t exclude caring for someone in need.

    Friends both put in time and energy to make sure they have direct contact, as opposed to apologises for not. Not sure if blogging and e-mails are sufficient.

    Loyalty is more complex, as none of us are perfect and there are things about ourselves and eachother that we don’t always like or agree with. So there are times when you may stand up for your friend, even if you have to openly disagree with them.

    With long term friends, some stick, even though it may be quite a while since our last meeting. There needs to be a balance,not so much scales, but some feeling of equality and sharing the process of friendship. For example it is hard to remain friends with someone who seldom makes contact with you, but is happy if you make the arrangements.

    I had a strange friendship with my sister. Where she had every means of contacting me, phone, e-mail, address, etc, but when she moved home gave me no means of contacting her. I felt as if was her insurance policy, there when she needed me, but she wasn’t when I needed her! Even prior to her move, she might wait ages before responding to a message I left!

    It can be hard to release that friendship, am interested that you are achieving that. Something I think I ought to work on.

    Paul

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