Last weekend we visited a unit which was for sale, as have been toying with the idea of trying to help our big kids into their own real estate. It was like going back in time, a unit with rich floral carpet, and a sprinkling of old-fashioned dark wood furniture, belonging to an elderly lady who has lived their since it was built – probably late 60’s or early 70’s – and has now moved into aged care. It was full of the remnants of a lived life, a run down little back garden that still glowed with so much love, so much promise of things to come; withered vegetables and flowers still shining with hope. I thought about her life, and the things she would have cooked in her little oven, and lovingly shared with her loved ones. Food easily drops into my life, at every turn! It was haunting, and made me feel quite melancholic about life, to think more about love, life and loss, and why we are here.
Following this we went to drop off a crate of children’s books to the 2nd hand shop, and as my husband was about to leave it there, he decided to lift the lid. Viola… my grade 1 and 2 school reports from 1964 and 1965, and a hand written letter from my dear old grandfather dated 1981. It was almost too much for me, reading his hand writing, trying to remember the things he talked about, remembering his hugs and love, and the wonderful sayings he always came out with. He was a deep thinker, a reader and memoriser of facts (as everyone had to be back then), and a deeply religious man. The letter brought back the vaguest of scents of those times, and of when my Nan was alive, of lazy days wandering around their farm, learning how to iron and cook, and playing cards over hot chocolate tasting Aktavite each night. My days with them were an oasis from my harsh childhood.
Then last night, I stumbled across this email, Sent: Wednesday, 25 August 2010 3:35 AM
Subject: Farewelling London and our travel log … in case I forget what we’ve been up to!!
Well, it is our last night in London before we catch the Eurostar to Belgium early tomorrow. Seeing Charles has been great for us, and him. Our ‘cooking up a storm’ for his hostel family went well on Sunday night. He was really excited to have us there, and to be cooking together again. I had no idea how much he has missed it. We arrived there at 5.30, and then had to go shopping as nothing had been organised!! They were at the pub in the afternoon farewelling one of the residents! And then, the more we chopped and stirred, the more his friends gave him rum and orange juice, so by the time the lasagne was cooked, the salad and garlic bread ready, he was rather merry! I am very pleased to say my cooking reputation is intact!
So it seems, food and ironing are still at the centre of my life. One special girlfriend sent a text to urgently turn on to Channel One HD last night, and the scene at the Melbourne Comedy Festival was some crazed woman ironing! The only thing missing from this scene it seems was food, although one female comedian did mention she had fallen asleep on the kitchen table one night after a drinking binge and her family had trouble getting her to move in the morning – she is now dry although used her own alcoholism as fodder for her comedy show. Mostly I try to use humour through my own journey of dementia, but on the days when my eyes well up with tears and my heart overflows with sadness, it is usually the cooking and sharing of food, or the bloody ironing, that mops up the tears and sadness, and lets me get back on with life!
My husband and i have been now fortunate that Raymond could carry out his web research through your precious recommendations he got in your web pages. It is now and again perplexing to just continually be giving out secrets the rest have been selling. And now we do know we need the writer to thank because of that. The type of illustrations you have made, the straightforward website menu, the friendships you can give support to foster – it is most unbelievable, and it is leading our son and us understand the theme is fun, and that’s unbelievably fundamental. Thanks for the whole thing!
LikeLike
Of these things life is made – the day-to-day – the apparently mundane – parenting, house work, cooking – the life that is happening while we are busy making other plans. In that unit that you visited a life lived was imprinted – memorised; in your planning, a hope to give your boys the start that you can (I must say, Paul, I can’t agree with your fairly cynical approach – parents do, and always have, tried to give their kids the best start in life. Helping out with a unit is just one way of doing that. They’ll appreciate it in due course and will find their feet without being put out on the tarmac!); in your primary school books a memory in hard copy to augment your fading memory; in you journal entry, a celebration of life through the sharing of the preparation of a meal and its consumption in good company. Thanks for reminding us of the value of the day-to-day.
LikeLike
My pleasure Philip, and thank you for letting me know that is what my words have done. 🙂
LikeLike
Brilliantly written these blogs have become a highlight in my day
LikeLike
you should have started reading them sooner!! xx
LikeLike
Helping big kids get into real estate!
Why do some parents think helping their adults financially is actually helping them?
I remember Richard Branson talking about the best thing his parents did for him. One was in his very early teens, while he was playing up in the car on the way home, his mum had enough and she told to get out and find his way home. He was miles from anywhere. She knew he was smart, knew he was adult and independent enough.
Surely isn’t that the primary role of parents to set them up with the skills for independence! That time is when parents care ‘about’ rather than care ‘for’. When the kids are able to say to mum and dad, mind your own business, but still able to ask them for help and advice, rather than it be thrust upon them.
When they come home to mum and dad they say, ‘anything we can do, the ironing, need a hand with the vegetables…, rather than bringing their washing for you to do as it is easier than going to the launderette!
Paul
LikeLike
Thanks for the gentle nudge Paul… but please watch this space! There is a whole response to your blog reply brewing about thinking about helping the kids into real estate, and a blog has been in progress for some time on older and younger kids being responsible. Perhaps they might fit together. There’s even a bit more on ironing too, although all I can allude to is that today I heard a story that will forever make me go back to ironing almost everything and ban the body heat version forever!! Take care, Kate
LikeLike