These bloody things, they spring themselves upon us, completely out of the blue, and there seems to be no way of predicting when. Try as we might, my husband and I feel helpless to know what to do, not only to try to predict them, but to try to stop them or prevent them. The burden on us both, but especially on him is growing. It can be a crowd, or a day that is a little too busy, or a quick trip to the shops or park. Perhaps a bad night’s sleep, which is happening more often and the literature tells us is a normal part of dementia, is causing them? Maybe it is the occasional hallucinations, or the jumbo jets inside my head, or the feeling of being trapped in the Gravitron? Try as we might, the ability to be rational about them is challenging. The more people we meet living with or caring for someone with dementia, the more we hear the same story. It happens to others, and they seem to be as trapped by them as we are, and helpless to stop or even control them in any way. I’d like to be able to take 10 deep breaths, and say to myself, don’t sweat the small stuff, or ask myself will it be a problem in a year, or will anyone die, and for this to work? These techniques or strategies used to work almost immediately, and made life simple and relaxed, and easy for everyone around me. They rubbed off on my children and our youngest uses these terms all the time to keep his life in perspective, sometimes maddeningly so!! It is a funny thing when they learn these things, essentially through you, but then end up reminding us about them! It used to be others who got stressed over seemingly simple things, not me, and so this new phase of my life is taking some getting used to. And, I don’t want to get used to it, as I dislike it intensely, as does my dear husband, as he stands by and tries everything in his power to fix things, to make them better. That is of course, the male way to view problems, and so when he can’t, he then starts to feel he has failed me. It can be a vicious circle, of him wanting to help and fix, and of me becoming more distressed. Space away from dementia is something carers and loved ones need, and I fear at the moment my dear husband is not getting enough at the moment, and I wonder if he yearns to be home and back at work rather than here on holiday where it is almost exclusively just the two of us. I wonder, when will the burden of the dementia meltdown be too much for him? At least the next couple of days, there is a wonderful group of friends for him to lean on and who will share the load if we need them to. Thank goodness we have some friends who are there to provide the ‘technology strategies’ for dementia and love.