“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated” Mahatma Gandhi
As I speak out about improving the services for, and care of people in aged care, and people living with dementia, I am constantly scratching my head wondering why we haven’t got it right yet. My father in law died last week, and the last 18 months his life he had been slowly deteriorating physically, and the last six months since moving into high care within a residential a facility, his ‘life’ left a lot to be desired. He regularly told us he wanted to kill himself, and how much he hated living there. Mostly he was left alone. The staff members there definitely cared, but considering the under-staffing on each shift and their incredible workloads, perhaps they just didn’t have the time to do more than the basic tasks as they attended to his daily needs. Most of the time, he was left alone, strapped into his chair. The promised hourly walks did not always happen. The activities and outings we were promised he would be offered never happened, in fact not once was he taken out on a bus trip, even though we paid the monthly additional fee to assist the facility with the cost of these outings. But as he was ‘dying’ in the last week, his model of care was changed to the palliative care model and the level of his care improved greatly. Perhaps we need to look at why and how this model of care might help improve the care of the elderly, before they are in the process of ‘imminent death’. My husband and I feel like we have failed him, although do realise we did all we could for him, considering the reality of our own world. Perhaps when my parents need ‘care’, we will move to where they live and look after them? The thought of seeing them live the way my father in law did the last few months is abhorrent, and we now realise the gift we gave my mother in law by nursing her at home until she died. I am starting to think the greatness of a nation may one day be measured by the way it treats its elderly and sick, and to think about ways we can change this. Mahatma Gandhi continues to inspire me to work on changing my thinking and actions, and to encourage others to do the same.
“A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.” Mahatma Gandhi
Yes, you do feel like you have ‘failed’ by putting them into care, but don’t feel bad, as life is so hectic these days. That is sooo sad that he wanted to kill himself-everyone has different opinions on age care from personal experiences. Thankfully my Grandad hasn’t said anything your father-in-law said, although he has wanted to go home from respite care sometimes. The staff certainly do massive amounts of workloads-too many i say. I agree with the point you said “we all did all we can for him”. Doing all you can counts. Was his rest home far from where you lived? Sometimes, people can’t do much, but are still a great support because of distance. If i didn’t have to work or go to school, i would be looking after my Grandad 40 hours a week, although i can’t drive which would be a disadvantage, as i haven’t got my drivers license yet, but i would manage as he is fine staying at home. Your family did so well keeping your mother-in-law at home-well done! Big ups to you and i am very impressed-you must of felt extremely satisfied with yourself at the end. If one of my parents is still alive when i retire in many years time, i will spend alot of my retirement looking after them if they are in bad health, to avoid them going into aged care until i had a health turn my self, or the workload was far too strenuous. We are very blessed with the respite care place my Grandad goes to-they are so organised and they have a wonderful activity programme and a list of what the lunch and dinner menu is each night. I am visiting my Grandad this afternoon. Today he is going to the cinema to watch a movie-i hope he enjoys it. Soooo looking forward to spending more quality time with him and be there when he needs me-time is so precious.
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💜💜💜
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Reblogged this on Elder Advocates.
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Thank you
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I hear you! I often lament that aged care is less ‘sexy’ than other sectors (children, animals etc), and thus seems to be less important. Or perhaps not ‘important’, but perhaps not able to generate the same feel good feedback, or positive publicity, or something…. I’m not sure of the answer, but I’m glad to see others feel the same way…now to start working on the solution!
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I was talking to my mother this morning, and she said that she and her friends regularly lament that the doctors they see don’t seem to think their health concerns are important, because they are over 70! Maybe not the reality, but it is to them. The fact we are thinking and talking about it, and care enough to accept the reality and want to change things, is wonderful. What we can’t do alone, perhaps we can do together?
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the reality of care at home v’s economics and shared work load is all directly related to the family situation and finances. No model is perfect and no people are perfect, I think you did right by your circumstances and by the people you love. Great blog
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As you say, no-one is perfect, and everyone does their best, including the people who care at home, and the paid staff in the residential facilities.
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Hi Kate, sorry to hear of your loss and thanks for this reflection. You hit the nail on the head about aged care services. In the last Federal budget there was a significant increase in funding for home care of the elderly in response to a significant movement in Australia for such services precisely for the reasons you outlined.
Keep on writing – you inspire many!
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