Some days I write on my private blog titled What the hell happened to my brain. Today, I am once again frustrated with and perplexed about the state of my office. Hence the reason this blog is titled What the hell happened to my office (again!!!).
It is only recently that I filed everything covering my desk, the top of the filing cupboards, the floor space, and any other surface I could find, and tidied it up including cleaning it. Already it is heading towards being one hell of a mess again. I once worked in a medical practice, managing up to 12 specialists at any one time, and my office was always tidy, everything filed perfectly, my typing skills virtually 100% accurate, and my ability to maintain a good working space impeccable.
I feel like I can blame becoming a mid-life student; it is true this could be where my untidy office really started as with full time studies, working and having a young family, and then have books and resources filling every space in almost every room some of the time as you read and write for assignments and study for exams. Then, with the impact of the symptoms of dementia, it has definitely been getting more difficult to not only keep up with it all, but to even know how or where to file things. l
Bogging could also be a reason for it, as I would much rather write than tidy up my office. No doubt the effort of constantly wading through papers on the floor or desk make my brain work hard, which is supposed to be good for me. Perhaps I should just relax into having a messy office, except my old ways of being ‘slightly’ obsessively tidy keep me wondering if I must try harder!
Once, I had the nickname of having the ‘Shiny Sink Academy, as a nursing girlfriend came to visit me the same day I had returned home from having surgery, and my sink was back to being highly polished! When I was living on the farm as a kid, probably because I was bored, and also because I wanted approval from my parents, I was always cleaning things; the kitchen, the bathrooms, the garage, the sheds. Everywhere and anywhere! It used to frustrate my parents as they might have been half way through doing something like cooking or reading the paper, and simply move on to do something for a few moments like hang out the washing, and I would have put everything away and cleaned it up.
However, when I left home at 16 to start Year 12, and then to go nursing, they did admit they really missed all the work I did! This tidiness and cleanliness was fuelled by an elderly unmarried great aunt who used to stay at my grandparents where I also spent many holidays, and she was so obsessively tidy she used to sweep the dirt on the road from the farmhouse down to the main road, and rake the white stones on the paths around the garden beds.
Then as a student nurse in the mid 70’s, we had to clean the wards, pan rooms and everywhere except the kitchen and floors; the very bossy strict Matron then used to put on a pair of white gloves and check surfaces, everywhere! If she found any dust or dirt, we then had to do it ALL again. We cleaned and polished so much, I sometimes wonder how we had time to care for the patients, but we did; nursing care back then was very good.
So you see, my slight obsession with tidiness is hard to put to bed. I did many courses in the 80’s to stop being so tidy, followed up with a lot of reading of books such as ‘When Being Control gets Out of Control’, which worked (because I worked on it) and I can easily relax now with dirty dishes on the sink. If there is a God, then he has a sense of humour as he sent me a son who was as a child innately untidy; such a sense of humour! This, and illness, and lots of self-help courses and reading have allowed me to relax into untidiness. Maybe in the end, this is why I let my office become such a paper pigsty?! Who knows, who really cares!