A girlfriend sent me this by email, and my husband and my youngest son were horrified as they thought I’d be offended by it. I, on the other hand laughed so hard I cried!! One never knows how another person will react or respond, and so we should never assume. Of course, assume really means ‘to make an ass out of u and me’!

The pointers below were also sent to me by a girlfriend, a few ‘senior thoughts’. My husband might never have sent these to me either, as he would probably have been worried they might offend me, but I find them quite amusing!! I have no idea who the original author is.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days, you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

15. When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?

16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . They’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .
I go somewhere to get something and  then  wonder what I’m hereafter.

19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

20. I’M UNABLE TO REMEMBER WHETHER I’VE SENT YOU THIS BEFORE….

Today may be your last chance to be kind to someone.

Retiree Health Message

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s hiney. It’s the tortoise life for me!

1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years. And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.

I’m retired. Go around me!