As I wander around the shops or streets, or sit in restaurants or cafes, many people are more connected to their iPhones or iPads, tweeting, or checking emails or Facebook or other social media connections, often forgetting to talk to each other. Worrying or excited about how many followers they have, rather than how many face-to-face friends they are connecting with. I often watch young parents ‘caring’ for their children; they are all locked in a world of their own, ‘communicating’ with someone or something on a small or large screen, rather than each other.
Being diagnosed with dementia makes staying connected more difficult than it already is in this fast-moving 21st Century. Healthy relationships with family and friends are important for everyone’s well-being, and the changes that occur with dementia can strain these relationships and cause confusion and misunderstanding. It is surely more valuable to be connected with each other to increase the well-being of a PWD? I have listed a few points on why it might be difficult for people with dementia to stay personally connected. Some of them apply to the wider community too!
- The use of technology is increasing at a rate we have not seen before, and if you can’t keep up with it, or afford it, you are left behind.
- On top of that, a PWD will have increasing difficulties using technology, telephones, and other appliances.
- Almost everyone vets their phone calls before answering them, especially mobile calls.
- Many have a permanent message on their answering machines at home, and rarely answer them without first listening to who is calling.
- The dreaded preset text reply, ‘Sorry, busy atm, will call back soon’… I’d like a dollar for every one of these I have of these! The ‘busy atm’ can translate into ‘ just putting the kids to bed’, ‘in a meeting atm’, and so on.
- PWD lose many of their social and family connections because of the stigma of dementia.
- PWD have difficulty being in noisy crowded places – social gatherings, concerts, movies, sporting events, etc – and as the disease progresses they start avoiding them.
- Basic skills start diminishing, starting out with simple things such as being able to keep up with or understand a conversation, and eventually things like social etiquette and changed behaviours.
- As a PWD starts to have difficulty with word finding or keeping up with conversations, they are less inclined to want to use a telephone, heightened further by their embarrassment and humiliation about losing these basic skills.
- The more PWD become isolated, the less connected they are – perhaps their social skills diminish more quickly due to a lack of practice?
It is strange phenomena when we seek to connect more with technology than with each other…
This is a challenging topic, one I want to ponder further, and talk and explore more with you. Please add to the list or just add your comments. I love to hear from you!
Very true Kate and i so agree with this post. You are so right-most facebook friends are not real friends-i only go on facebook to keep in touch with family and friends, but i now have most of my friends mobile numbers, so my main way of communicating with them, when not seeing them in person is by texts. I personally feel that when i go on Facebook, i feel addicted, so i try and not use facebook as not using facebook keeps me out of trouble i feel. Technology increases so fast-i am very useless at technology. Yes, lots of parents do go on facebook or on there phone a lot instead of spending time with there children. I have no games on my phone, and i only text my friends if there’s a reason to like wishing them happy birthday, catching up, or just other texts in general. This is a very fascinating topic, Kate.
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glad you enjoyed reading it Sam…
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This is a big and upsetting topic for me. I’ve been sick for a long time now – 15 years – and during that time I went from being only 31 and having a lot of friends to being 46 and with about 3 – 5 friends, of which I only see 1 of them. The rest I see only about every 2 year.
Some reasons
– i don’t have a boyfriend anymore and I lost a few friends who are couples who didn’t have anything in common with a single woman with dementia.
– Given my age, during the time I’ve been sick our lives have all moved in opposite directions. Everyone else has a career, are married, some have kids and some have family commitments each week – all of which keep them very busy.
– i have tremendous fatigue problems that stops me being able to go to the social event. And they are terrible friends enough to organise things that are good for them and their kids but that I can’t attend. Like organising things in the afternoon when I am asleep, organising picnics that are difficult for me to sit in since there’s no chairs, the toilets are far away, the heat would be debilitating …….
So last year I saw 1 friend 4 times (and she’s got a de facto and no friends so it’s easier for her) and 2 friends came over together one time. So I saw friends 5 times. All but one of them don’t send emails or reply to them so I don’t even email.
I’ve tried SO many things to try to make new friends that I’ve given up. Having said that I put an ad in the local paper last year for a chronic pain social group one evening every month but not one person replied to the 3 ads. So you can’t even accuse me of not trying.
Oh well.
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Well, you have a friend here, even though it is only online. Most days this is my only type of social connection, other than with my husband, but I’d be lost without it, and without friends like you.
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I often think technology has become detrimental to our advancement. We are losing skills to communicate and interact with one another. I hope soon we begin to hone our telepathic skills where connection and knowing the TRUTH is just a thought away! Have a great day Kate. Bless you… VK
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Oh yes, I definitely agree with you, ‘we’ are losing the skills to communicate, especially face to face! Blessings to you to VK.
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apparently the new etiquette when mobile phone users are out for dinner together is that all the phones are placed in the centre of the table and the first person to use their phone (presumably answer it) has to pay for dinner. An incentive to turn the phone OFF.
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Love it!! Will have to try this next time we’re out 😉
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How many times will I be having a chat with friends and their mobile signals a text coming through. They seem unable to ignore it even during meal times. I think this is actually bad manners, but perhaps I am from the ‘older generation’ where social niceties have changed?
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It is nothing to do with our age Jenny, it is rudeness and bad manners, at least in my opinion too!
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yes i agree with you kate, phones do not do us any favours when we are with freinds etc, one on one chats are much more appealing and if phone rings dont answer. love our conversations when we dine together or just coffee times. never often enough tho,, with the distance we live from one another. will be there to visit one day. and you can see the new wheels to hahah
to the moon and back xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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haha, but I do love it when we are in the same room ‘Facebook-chatting’ to each other, in between talking and laughing non stop!!!!! xoxoxox
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Yes, this is an interesting topic for contemplation and discussion Kate. Like all new communication technology from the development of writing, through printing, typewriting, telegraph, telephone, radio, TV, Internet, there are challenges to the status quo and a need to adapt. There are those who get left behind but, I reckon, these developments are advances. In your case, as a blogger – ‘with purpose’ as a person with whom I was having a discussion yesterday described you – this technology gives a leverage to your message hithertofore unimaginable. As far a texting at the café goes; that’s about human behaviour – I guess that we should recognise the value a being there, with our friend(s), partner, kids, family and slip the smartphone away into purse or pocket, take a moment to breathe and chat – that’s gotta be good for you.
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I wondered why my ears were burning!!!???
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…Firstly I have found the internet to be very valuable in restoring my mental activity, but after that I too find that in the short time I have been on this earth, some of the changes to our lifestyle and way of living are not necessarily having a positive input into our world, our lives…….people don’t seem to go to church anymore, God has been replaced by the Money God, children are not being allowed to be children, our education systems are failing our youth…..and we are setting a bad example for the future generations, history now shows that we are not leaving the world a better place than when we started, we just pay continuous lip service about the future…we have indeed, as mature adults, been setting a bad example…
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Like you I too have found the internet valuable, and there are many times my online friends (most of whom I have not actually met) have kept me sane! And I agree with you, we are often setting a bad example…
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you are not alone here, even us without a diagnosis of dementia can find 21st century technology over whelming. There have been times when I have turned off the mobile & not opened the laptop to enjoy such things as books, conversation (face tot face) and just sitting in silence.
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no, I think many people are feeling less and less connected… reading, conversations and contemplation far outweigh the iPhones/iPads
I’ve been wodnering does the ‘i‘ stand for idiots??
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