My days are starting to look a bit like this! I do a lot of walking around in circles, up and down the stairs to the bedroom, back to the office or kitchen, wondering why.
If I was a resident in aged care, I would be labelled as wandering, rather than a person simply looking for something or going somewhere. The fact that I had forgotten what I was looking for, or where I was going would not be written into the notes.
When my carers are here, I keep asking them what I am meant to be doing, or what I am looking for. Of course, they can’t read my mind, and even if they could, the thought has disappeared, so they wouldn’t be able to tell me anyway!! It is frustrating for sure, and annoying, and mentally tiring. It would be so much easier if I had no insight into what is happening. My husband [BUB] watches from the sidelines, hoping like crazy he can help without minimising my efforts.
Most of the time, he is right up there as far as the game of charades we have to play when having a conversation. My word finding is much worse, and ordering a Thai take away last night was a major exercise in communication. The person on the other end of the line was inordinately patient, a pleasant change in my experience. In the end, I really had no idea what I had ordered, and we laughed about it as he headed out to pick it up. Laughing about it is so much easier than crying about it, although many times I do feel like crying about it.
I’d quite like to have a daily dose of PLOM Disease [Poor Little Old Me], but what good would that do. It would drag us all down, perhaps even make me give in to this hideous bloody disease. It would compromise my ability to work hard, if not to overcome, but at least to accommodate the symptoms of dementia; maybe then the wandering would become senseless and unfruitful. I should get myself a pedometer, as this new wandering is probably helping to keep me physically fit!! Actively loving and spending time with my husband, children and friends, blogging, and continuing to walk in circles to look for whatever it is I am trying to find, is definitely better than giving up.
Sadly, that is true-you are considered a “wanderer” if you wander round a rest home, however when my Grandad drifts around his home i don’t call him a “wanderer”, but i do agree that leaving the rest home building by yourself is wandering though.
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Have to disagree on the last comment Sam, it is still walking, and with appropriate support, it should be supported; everyone likes to walk, inside and outside.
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I agree with that-interesting debate though! Yes, people like walking inside and out
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hang it there dear one, i have spare pedometer to,, if we all bring you one you can put them all over you, imagine the miles/kms you will walk hahah. as usual you do see the positive in all that you do, and yes it is better to laugh than cry, but if you want to cry what the heck wait for me and we will cry and laugh together always better with a buddy;s shoulder i think, take care you will find what you are looking for when you find it??? lol. and if you dont then its no loss is it??? chin up dear one as ever to the moon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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You can put those walking shoes on I gave you and get fit with me, and all three chins are up darling one! xox
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You always motivate me to look at the positive side of things. Thanks.
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Hmmm… thanks, I think?!
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Definitely don’t give up – even if you walk in circles. You are so wonderfully articulate and provide us all with inspiration. I can understand your frustration but your ability to find humour in your situation is incredibly uplifting. And your determination to keep blogging every day is a lesson to us all. Kudos to you, Kate.
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Thank you Vanessa… and I’m determined one day to walk circles in your neck of the woods too!
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Kate – mourning about what you’ve lost or where you’re at is not always “giving up”. In fact it’s NOT good not to take the time to mourn and these feelings are cyclical. Please please don’t “hold it in” because it can be stressful or depressing. If you don’t want to do it in front of family why don’t you just do it one day when you’re home alone …… but please don’t feel like you have to be the “strong” one and put on appearances all the time.
Know what I mean?
i0l
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Thanks to blogging, I certainly don’t hold it in! You are all my shoulders to cry on, my therapists, and my friends… how wonderful is that!
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If people stopped having a preconceived idea about how one should live their life and stop judging what they see others doing then perhaps dementia warriors as well as the whole human race would feel free to just be as they are and the tension to be some other way would vanish. We still have a lot to learn about how to truly live free. Judgment is crippling and the sooner it fades away the better. So wander on my friend and try to see it as the freedom to be whatever you chose to be or go wherever you chose to go….Blessings and love…VK
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Blessings and love to you too VK… I will keep trying to live freely.
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absolutely don’t give up and I’ll bring you a pedometer when I am next down xxx
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looking forward to seeing how many steps I take per day, as well as seeing you xx
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……Dearest Kate,…what can one say, when I know what you are going through..
….you are an inspiration to others….take care and don’t give up, just rest a lot…
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Ditto to you Tony… take care and don’t give up either 🙂
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