Recently, I have realised more clearly my directness and honesty, and deep desire for people to be honest in response has lost me friends over the years. Hence I’ve been wondering, does this mean I need to rethink who I am, or how I act or respond to the world? It came up in conversation with another friend recently, one who has ‘lost’ friends, or distanced herself from certain people in her life. We both said it is better to have fewer friends who are honest and who can accept us for who we are, than to change our own principles and standards.
But is this right? Maybe it is not okay to inflict our standards on others, and perhaps by doing that we are being conditional in our love and friendship? I’ve always been ‘big’ on unconditional love as have experienced conditional love for years, by people who are significant in my life. It is cruel and hurtful, and demeans relationships. Is it okay to be honest to someone if you know it might hurt them?
I spoke honestly, and kindly to a younger girlfriend recently, and then worried it might have been too honest. We have discussed it since, and she didn’t take offence (whew!). Last year I had a blog reader who was commenting furiously, seemingly questioning my integrity occasionally, and pushing me hard to view things another way. It actually hurt a lot, but my willingness to learn from it has paid off in spades.
Seeing things from another perspective is healthy, and even if we don’t change our own opinion about the subject, we can learn from it.
If we were on the top of a mountain, we would look in every direction, not only to the east or west, and then decide which view we preferred. Too often, we find one view, and forget there are others.
Anyway, as I ramble on trying to write this blog, I decided to look up the meaning of honesty!!
hon·es·ty
/ˈɒn
əsti/ Show Spelled [on-uh-stee]
I love all the comments here. I am who I am who I am… but I can always be better 😉
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Unto thine own self be true (Hamlet). By the time we get to a certain age it’s difficult to change our outlook or the way we present ourselves. And I don’t think we should try to do so. OK, relationships with others have to be a compromise between total honesty and diplomacy – otherwise we wouldn’t have any friends at all! But when I look back on my life I see that my true friends are those who accept that I can be difficult, undiplomatic, impatient, etc – but also see my other qualities. And it works the same way in reverse. One should always be open to other people’s points of view, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept them.
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Our mission in life is to learn to know and BE our true selves. Be who you resonate with within Kate…We don’t exist for others, we exist for ourselves. Sounds selfish because we have been taught to see it as selfish! If we all knew ourselves and did what we felt moved to do or be, we would be a force to be reckoned with. If others can’t find comfort around you as you are then they are not meant to be in your life. If someone is meant to be in your life the two of you will resonate and grow together. Stay strong in knowing who you are and what your purpose for being here is. You know what you are meant to do. Be a voice for others. You do it well and you should be proud of what you are doing. NEVER doubt yourself Kate! That is a ploy heaped upon us by the dark ones…Blessings… VK
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Hello, “This above all – to thine own self be true… Richard
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Love this blog Kate. Your honesty is inspiring! I think honesty has two ways of being delivered; 1) With conditions, jealously and self-hate or 2) with unconditional love, acceptance and self-love. The platform from which it comes makes ALL the difference. I dear wise friend of mine (you know who you are!) has taught me so much about being honest and I hope she never ever changes.
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And thank you, you have just taught me a very important lesson… perhaps my honesty has sometimes been said with conditions attached??? Love you too xox
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I agree with you, one real friend is worth more than a dozen acquaintances. I’m not interested in always hearing what I want to hear, and I truly respect when people are honest with me, rather than telling me what I want to hear. As long as they do it respectfully and not cruelly. Time is of the essence, it’s not worth wasting our days on people who aren’t being honest with us. I have plenty of acquaintances, and enjoy their company, but I treasure true friends who are honest with me. I’ll do everything in my power to help out my true friends. But I’m honest with myself about who are real and who are acquaintances. Who to put in the effort for. And who’ll be there for me when times are tough. Sometimes it’s a tough lesson to lose friends who were only acquaintances. But I see it as a blessing, because I no longer waste all my time and energy with the acquaintances who drop away at the first sign of trouble.
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I have a lovely poem (somewhere!!) that reflects exactly what you have said… and thank you for sharing your true self.
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