Resisting change

being differentSometimes, making changes to our thinking or behaviour makes us different to our family or friends, which for many is a strong deterrant not to. Being different, not taking those party drugs or drinking that beer or wine, when all of our friends are, can be challenging.

The impact of serious chronic or terminal illness and major crises has the chance of making or breaking us too. We can choose to learn from the pain, the loss and grief, the challenges presented. We can also choose to stick with old habits that in truth often encourage or attract the things that hurt us, rather than look in the mirror honestly and make changes.

I’m not saying we want to get sick, or want to get divorced, or want to be abused if in a violent relationship, but I am saying it is up to us how we respond, whether it is positively or negatively, and that we do have a choice. As I try to do the best for my brain an body living with a diagnosis of dementia, there are many who discount or even dispute the positive impact it might be having on me. I’m not prepared to let them deter me.

We can make changes to attitudes, changes to the way we react, changes to the way we speak to others (and ourselves), changes to what we will accept from others… If we are overweight, we can improve our diet and exercise more. If we smoke or take other drugs, we can stop. If we are addicted to anything – sugar, cigarettes, alcohol, other drugs, sex (in my DH’s dreams!!) , arguing, abusive relationships, etc – there are support systems and even clinics in place to help us change our thinking and behaviour. The key here being, is to want to change.

We are however, very set in our ways and generally very stubborn, and most of our behaviours, including reactions and impulses have been learned or have developed out of habit. Many of us have learned to behave or respond to situations based on our own experience of childhood. Violence in a home is proven to have been learned and repeated from generation to generation, if the newest generation of parent does not actively decide to change.

OMG, I wish it was that easy!!!!

2 thoughts on “Resisting change

  1. 2 thoughts ……..

    Mum thinks I’m set-in-my-ways and that I don’t like change. I even went to a psychologist once about something and asked her about it …… she said it’s natural for someone in our position as we can’t control much in our lives but the things we CAN control we like to not change……. we like stability.

    Plus you mentioned changing as a result of the disease – and others see the change in us. It’s obvious we change, but one thing that happened to me that I have received criticism for (and also sometghing that I don’t share with others) is a little while after the diagnosis, after my cognitive abilities had improved enough tostart using the computer etc …. I was fearing for my future etc and then heard about Philip Nitschke and voluntary euthanasia on the radio. And ever since I heard this it injected “life” back into my life because I have nothing to fear if it’s made legal. So I became very passionate about it and began following the news, following it onlilne, joing a few state groups and also EXIT ….. hey, I even invited Philip over about 13 years ago so my mum could see that he really was a lovely man and that the new way that I was thinking was something not unusual for someone in my situation. Plus of course I scoured the psychological journals to make sure that supporting VE isn’t about depression or killing etc. I got criticised by my family, friends, and my boyfriend at the time ……. everyone. They just couldn’t understand why I supported it. But they couldn’t understand my fear of the future because they weren’t in my position. I didn’t want to be in an advanced state with my chronic hunger , my chronic taste issues (so that I hate about 99% of food that exists), my chronic urinary needs, my chronic pain etc.

    They don’t have to live in my shoes. It’s my life and everything I do with my time is my choice.

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