Lessons from loss and dying

lessons in dyingAnother friend passed away this week. He and my dear husband have worked together for over 30 years, and so his grief for a lost friend and colleague is going to be significant. Nothing of course compared to that of the family and more intimate friends, but grief is not something we can compare. For a child, losing a teddy can be just as devastating (to the child) as an adult losing a wife or husband. The truth is, grief is selfish, in the sense that it is about ‘self’ – your own feelings and loss. It has to be, you cannot experience the grief someone else feels.

Perhaps having a similar loss is as close as you get, and this point is why grief support groups work so well. To spend time with someone else who has lost a baby to SIDS, or a partner or child to suicide is very healing and helps you normalise your own feelings. Our cells also have a grief memory, and so each time there is a new loss, our cells remember, a reason why someone may appear to be ‘over reacting’ to a loss that others cannot see as significant. So to say we’ve been out of sorts, especially my husband is probably accurate.

RIP in peace dear Ross. We will miss you. May your family and close friends be surrounded by those who care for and love them unconditionally, and who will be there for them when they need to talk, or be silent, and who will cry with them, and also allow them to grieve in their own unique ways. The lessons I continue to learn from death and dying never cease to astound and surprise me.

Image source: Google Images

8 thoughts on “Lessons from loss and dying

  1. We are definitely getting to the age now where death begins to visit us more frequently. Sorry to hear you are dealing with it yet again. Hang tight Kate and take this time to comfort Pete as he has done for you. View it as positively as you can as a time you’ve been blessed with to share your comforts. Blessings and love to you….VK xxoo


  2. But there is also grief on the diagnosis of something like dementia.

    I just read a post on a US dementia site that reprints something that you had written in about 2008 / 2009 soon after your diagnosis. As I read it I could feel the grieving in your words ….. I could see that it was the reaction of someone who has been diagnosed fairly recently (even if it was a few years previous), not someone like you now that has had many years to adjust to the ‘news’.

    I hope you know what article it was …. I’ve closed the page down now so I can’t tell you the page. But it was very well written


    • There s a lot of grief in dementia, and it is complicated, as always a new grief when something changes, or another friend disappears… and thanks glad you enjoyed it. I’m not sure where it is or was either!!


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