Another friend passed away this week. He and my dear husband have worked together for over 30 years, and so his grief for a lost friend and colleague is going to be significant. Nothing of course compared to that of the family and more intimate friends, but grief is not something we can compare. For a child, losing a teddy can be just as devastating (to the child) as an adult losing a wife or husband. The truth is, grief is selfish, in the sense that it is about ‘self’ – your own feelings and loss. It has to be, you cannot experience the grief someone else feels.
Perhaps having a similar loss is as close as you get, and this point is why grief support groups work so well. To spend time with someone else who has lost a baby to SIDS, or a partner or child to suicide is very healing and helps you normalise your own feelings. Our cells also have a grief memory, and so each time there is a new loss, our cells remember, a reason why someone may appear to be ‘over reacting’ to a loss that others cannot see as significant. So to say we’ve been out of sorts, especially my husband is probably accurate.
RIP in peace dear Ross. We will miss you. May your family and close friends be surrounded by those who care for and love them unconditionally, and who will be there for them when they need to talk, or be silent, and who will cry with them, and also allow them to grieve in their own unique ways. The lessons I continue to learn from death and dying never cease to astound and surprise me.
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