Life became more difficult when I was diagnosed with dementia, and it was a very unwelcome visitor. Back then, the tears were often, sometimes almost nonstop for days on
end, and the fear of what was ahead was overwhelming. Sometimes the frustration was so great I would scream and kick my way around the day, ranting about the small stuff that once I didn’t sweat about. Things like the hole in my old favourite shirt, the idiot who pulled out in front of me without using indicators. The days often seemed longer than they used to, as it took so long to achieve anything. I found a way to take away the deep sadness called running, like Forrest Gump. The more brisk my walk, or the faster I ran, the less I felt, and then when I stopped, the tears were gone and I felt renewed, mentally invigorated and revitalised so that I could keep going. The walk started as part of a fitness university research project I was a participant in, and after 40 days of physical pain and unwavering effort to keep up with the program, I discovered the emotional benefits along with the numerous benefits to my physical self. The emotional benefits were a major bonus in my world of dementia; they helped my motivation to continue getting out of bed each day, made it easier to plod away at my tertiary degrees and to continue to want to stay in touch with the rest of the world.

For now, the struggle and sadness is still there, but my response to it has changed. My grief has moved on, almost to acceptance, at least until a new change occurs. My resolve to develop strategies to cope with, and manage the changes dementia brings, has strengthened. My determination to speak has become stronger and I have found new and interesting ways to share my voice that were totally unexpected. There are still many times when having dementia is a real pain in the arse, but I cannot stop it, and so I believe I must keep fighting to rise above it. The hours of running have ceased as Mr Arthritis has arrived loud and strong in both of my feet. I am no longer able to run like Forrest Gump,
forcing me to find new ways to find solace and relief; writing, reading, listening to music, laughing, challenging my brain to work harder than it needs to, meeting new people, engaging in the world and spending time with my beautiful friends. These are some of the things that are working, giving my soul love, hope and nourishment, topping up my energy to keep going.