A tough topic for today! Parenting is something I have tried to consider consciously every day, and living with dementia means I try even harder. It is so easy to get lost in parenting, in the sense of parenting by rote the same way you were parented. It is also very easy to blame parents for your own adult hardships and emotional baggage; it’s so much easier than taking responsibility for your reactions to your own experience of childhood. As a parent with dementia, it has become important to focus even more on conscious and constructive parenting, as I want to do my best to ensure the memories my children have of our times together are positive. Even though my children have become young adults, I feel having dementia means it is more important now to keep the bonds of love strong between us. I want them to say their mother was positive and productive, and to be able to look up to me with adult respect and admiration, rather than through a sense of feeling obliged to do so because I was their mother. Reading and learning about parenting was very high on my agenda when my son was born, and the focus intensified when I became a stepmother as parenting someone else’s child could easily go wrong. There are many horror stories told by stepchildren of wicked stepmothers or stepfathers, and I did not want to be in those story books. I also wanted to love both my children with an equal intensity and honesty, even if the love is slightly different. It took me many years to let go of my past, to stop allowing the perceived failures of my upbringing to colour my adult actions and thinking. It was only with the wisdom of hindsight, and the willingness to accept my own personal and parenting mistakes that I could truly see the light. I feel sure my parents loved/love me as much as I love my children, and with every cell in their body. They may not have expressed this love in the way I needed, but it was their way, and it was surely as pure and well-meaning as my love for my children. The thought of placing and seeing me live inside a secure dementia unit or nursing home may never have entered their heads, but I feel sure below the surface it colours their world. Visiting a grandparent in an aged care facility is probably too close to the bone for them to face? Visiting my father-in-law and other friends in one is almost too much for me! Striving not to get lost in the sadness of this world of dementia and staying focussed on the lives of others, especially my children’s, is important to me as I want their family memories to be good ones. Goodwill, a willingness to truly listen to each other, and mutual respect and honesty are possibly the keys to achieving this goal of mine, and I hope and pray I am on the right track. As long as we laugh together often, listen more than we speak, hug every day, and love a lot, I feel sure we’ll all be okay.