I’ve published parts of the last two paragraphs of this blog before, but felt it worthy of re-blogging. Death and dying is a part of life, and the bonus of being given the possibility of a more finite time to live is that it does make you think very deeply about your life. Yes, I do believe it is a bonus, especially for our loved ones as we all get the chance to be together more closely. I’ve been doing a lot of volunteering the last few months for The Bereaved Through Suicide Support Group Inc. and the experience of losing someone to suicide is truly awful. Someone I loved took his own life over 27 years ago, and although I’ve healed completely, I remember well how awful it was. I am seeing close hand again how raw and burdensome this type of grief is; with this type of death, there is no time to reflect together about what is important to you, to say goodbye. And then there is the added burden of guilt and the ‘why’ and ‘if only’ takes a long time to resolve.

With the diagnosis of a terminal illness, mortality gets to sit at your table, right next to the knife and fork, up close and personal, whispering messages that you might die much sooner than you thought. You do not get to continue to view death from the large platform called life, but from the edge of the stage, just behind the curtain, as if waiting for your cue to die. A diagnosis of a terminal illness makes you feel temporary, transient, and somehow perishable; mortal. Facing up to the fact that dementia is a terminal illness is made more difficult because of the focus being more on the thought of your own quality of life being compromised, of not living fully functionally, until you die, and the thought of not being in a position to make your own choices. The notion of not knowing your loved ones, or not remembering yourself in a mirror makes it very daunting, and colours the reality of the illness being terminal, making it hard to make end of life decisions in a timely fashion.

Aside from terminal illness, events such as 9/11 or war or natural disasters like floods, tsunamis, earthquakes and landslides can bring you close to facing death, but only if you are ‘in’ the experience, rather than just watching them from afar via the radio or television, as if they are merely a distant visitor to your life and not close up on your stage. The positive impact of events like these, and terminal illnesses including dementia, is that once the shock and anger subsides, your view of the world and yourself changes, and lights come on inside your tunnel that didn’t show up before. There is a type of freedom missing previously, and clarity of thought and insight. And a deeper love and laughter, that although sometimes is tinged with sadness, sets you free.