Yesterday in a practice session of one of the interviewing techniques of Narrative Therapy, I was interviewed about a recent problem in my life. I elected to discuss the impact of losing my driver’s license, and unearthed a mini maelstrom of feelings I had not given much thought to previously. I’d thought the emotional burden of not driving was completely resolved, and was a little shocked it is still causing such a sense of loss.

When a person first loses their ability to drive, it’s a bit like the death of a loved one. Friends and family rally around and support you; they ring or drop in often for the first few weeks to see if you need anything. Simple things like support, food, company, friendship, a shoulder to cry on. And then it dries up, they get on with their lives, which is as it should be because the loss is not really theirs. Most people don’t even remember the first anniversary of a friend’s loss of a loved one.

When someone has to stop driving, a similar thing happens. Initially friends are supportive, not in the same way following a death as no-one realises the intense grief one can feel when they have their license taken away, but for the first few weeks there are offers to give you a lift or take you shopping or to go out for a coffee. And then it stops. Again, people get on with their lives, and the burden becomes that of the immediate family.

And as the person who has lost their license, I do see it as a burden on my immediate family. They don’t see it this way, or this is what they tell me, but I see it this way and continue to feel guilty to need to ask them to provide my transport. Catching a bus would be a solution for some who lose their license, but for many with dementia, it is not an option as one of the reasons for losing a license can be as simple as getting lost all the time, so negotiating buses is too difficult.

The hidden impacts of not driving as I discovered in my role-playing session yesterday include the following:

• Feelings of loss and grief
• Loss of independence
• Loss of independent ‘mobility’
• Loss of privacy
• Feeling ‘needy’
• Unable to be truly self-sufficient
• Inequality in relationships and friendships
• Isolation
• Loneliness
• Guilt
• Tension caused when I keep people waiting if an appointment runs overtime
• Having to be a passenger with some people who I feel are unsafe to drive
• Family has to lose work hours to provide me with transport
• Buses and taxis sometimes too difficult to negotiate – plus stress on family when I do use them
• Unable to participate socially at the same level
• General sense of well being impaired

Some of these deserve to be written up more and I will elaborate on some of them further in another blog! For those of you who have also lost your license due to illness or who work with people and see other negative effects, please feel free to add to my list.