This is the title I have given a book I’ve started writing for young children who have a parent with dementia. It sounds a little confronting, especially when I read it!! Why have I chosen this title? I suppose because I often wonder what it will mean to my sons when I forget them? These are the questions I ask as a mother. I’m certainly not looking forward to not remembering them, andit iis one of my greatest fears about having a diagnosis of dementia. In this book, if I ever finish it (!!), I hope to explore whether these are relevant questions to young children or young adolescents of a parent with dementia. It will also describe in honest and understandable ways what dementia is, and offer references to useful websites, books and other resources for kids. One of my sons recently said he simply thought dementia was an old persons disease, in fact a ‘funny’ old persons disease, but has had to change his thinking on it considerably.
I purchased a lovely little book this week called Shining Brightly written and illustrated by Sheryl Munday for younger children, and it talks about Nana being a ‘bit weird’. This is quite different to a mum or dad having dementia. For a young child living with a ‘young’ parent diagnosed with dementia, the reality of the situation must be much harder to comprehend, as in some way we all expect an older person to as my son said, get a bit old and ‘funny’! The children, and society in general, also expect the mums and dads are available to care for their children, transport them to school, sport and other events. Parents not only want to be there for them, they need to be there for their children, and so when one parent is missing from this equation, the pressure on the other parent increases significantly, and the impact on the children is very high. After all, it is mum (usually!) who is meant to remind them to pack their lunch/do their homework/help with homework/and so on… so many things to write about in future blogs!
very confronting, for the kids and partner – I hope you do finish it, I can see it becoming an invaluable tool and part of required reading later on..
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Hmmm, perhaps you can help me one of these days… just by PUSHING me to finish it!!!
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This is a brilliant idea Kate, please keep with it!
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Thanks Josh, I’ll definitely keep at it! The book I mentioned in the blog is really a picture book about a grandma getting dementia, for very young children. Very much needed for this age too.
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Hi Kate,
In many ways not so different from kids dealing with a parent with mental illness or a physical disability. Their parent is different from their peer’s parents and that is a major drama for a child, especially in the age groups where conformance is so important. I think an important message for the kids is that if they look among their friends they will find someone who is dealing with ‘stuff’ too, it may be a little different from the ‘stuff’ they are dealing with, but they can help each other.
Cheers
Elizabeth
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Hi Elizabeth,
I agree with you and my kids did become friends with other kids whose mums were sick too. The difference with dementia is the notion it is an old persons disease, and the ‘disabilities’ can eventually be more confronting.
Most other ill or disabled parents won’t end up in aged care, and although visiting a psychiatric hospital can be difficult, it is not usually long term residential.
And then there is the fact it is a terminal illness.
Hope you’re well, cheers, Kate
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Kate …. the children end up being the carer of the parent for some of the disease ….. i’m sure there are websites for this…
Good luck with the book ……. just don’t try too hard to do too much … look after yourself pretty please ……. (big hug)
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thanks, and i’m on skype now if you want to chat!!
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