As the symptoms of dementia are changing again, once more I search for new meaning in my life. New ways to find joy in my heart and new ways to see what is happening as a gift. Right now, I feel more fearful than joyous, and I’m having trouble remembering there have been many gifts as a result of the diagnosis. More love, less time spent on ‘nothing’. Resting more, and definitely more searching for a deeper meaning and understanding of myself and my world. And finding it!
“Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell. Yet exposing ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them.”
I’ve been able to place my fear on the back burner before, and I will again, but right now it is pushing its ugly head more frequently into my world. Through this blog, and as part of my daily living, I expose myself almost overtly to facing up to dementia, and doing this does help to quench the fire of fear. Some have told me it is wrong to blog so openly about what is happening, others have encouraged me to keep going as they find it helpful, insightful or useful in some way.
Fortunately it doesn’t really cause me concern anymore whether people think I should stop, or question the validity of my reason for blogging. I do it for me, for my family, and for those who do like reading it. The one thing I need to write about soon is how chaos (my office) can cause me to stop functioning as well as I want, how it might be part of the reason for my reduced ability to keep up just lately. I read a blog this morning about it, and felt relieved it might not just be the symptoms of dementia getting in the way… and more importantly, the stress it causes me having a very messy office might not only be about my neat streak!!
Happiness is not the place you get to, it is the way to be on the road to wherever you are going.
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As articulate as ever. I know from one of your blogs quite a few months ago that it takes considerable effort, a few drafts. I am thankfull for your thoughts.
I think this might be quite important. I say that as I expect your approach to dealing with fears of the vast array of changes that are and possibly might impact you through Dementia, in such an open way here on the blog, is unusual.
So what have others done in the past? Is it something they have expressed or hidden? Have they faced it, or burried it? How have their carers, family and friends dealt with this? Have they even known the magnitude of the fear, the forms it takes, the behaviours it might trigger, etc?
Kate have you just identified the tip of an iceberg, it wouldn’t be first dementia related one you have written about?
Paul
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Hello Paul,
Yes, I think it is unusual to be so open, but it is happening more with the Internet! Social media started it I suspect???!!!
In answer to your question, yes, I do think it is the tip of the iceberg, and many PWD who read my blog, say they have to take a break as it reads so true for them, it is too painful and confronting.
I’ve tried to get PWD to share more on my new blog, but can’t seem to get many responses, which speaks for itself I think. Also, the I Can I Will site has captured many stories.
For now I will keep writing because this is the only way I can make sense of it.
Best,
Kate
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Kate Swaffer – creating “a little bit more compassion in all of us and a lot more understanding”
Not everyone achieves that in a life-time. As always, I feel privileged to read your inspirational blog, Kate x
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Sincere thanks for your support Gill xx
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you are correct about fear, as much as people hide it it is still there, if it is anything like my fear AFTER the fires then I send you all my strength to help you get through it. To me it was almost all consuming and stopping it enveloping me was hard, I took comfort in knowing it was temporary, for me that is simpler than for you. Take care my friend xxx
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Thanks DF! xox Fear can be all comsuming, as it was for you after those wretched fires for which I am so glad you are over it. It is the way we deal with fear that is the most important in all of this…
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Hi Kate your blog for those who read it creates a little bit more compassion in all of us and a lot more understanding. Take care
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Hey thanks Timmy… good to have you swing by here to support me too!
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