I’ve been reading a novel called Minding Frankie by Maeve Binchy, which it turns out others confirm I have already read but no matter, it was a pleasant light read, and not too many words to have to look up! And it was so light, it didn’t matter that often I couldn’t remember the story from the previous page. Late in the novel, it talked about remembering after the death of one of the characters.
On page 388, it says;
“There is a thought that if we remember someone, we keep them alive.” and then
“if keeping people in your memory meant they still lived, then Muttie would live forever.”
On page 391;
“If people remember you, then you are not alone.”
So, I wondered, if people with dementia can’t remember you (i.e. people, or events, places or things), where does that leave them? I suspect the emptiness many people feel caused by the symptoms of dementia, and the fear of the future when we won’t remember people, places, events or things, is woven into the quotes above.
When I look at this image of a mind map, I feel some trepidation for all people with dementia about their increasing memory loss, as the image gives a clear picture of what we had, and what we will lose. As each capillary, artery and branch of our lives becomes a blank, there is not much left.
I have translated this visual to represent my memory, and the idea of parts being rubbed out permanently, which is what is happening, makes me feel very alone…
I too feel sad for you reading this as I believe memory are what make us who we are and to lose that ability sounds frightening, never alone living with it daily. I admire you and love you for your bravery in sharing this life changing terminal illness. I hope you don’t mind me saying this
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I love you more for saying it…
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Merry Christmas.
Thank you for that reflection on the concept of remembering keeps people alive. I use that often particularly my oldest brother who I was close too. I speak to him,. and play a game of the answers he would give. Doing that with others who knew that person keeps our memories fresh and in that sense real.
I had previously ony thought of it from the perspective of keeping ‘him’ alive.
So thank you for your new insight into the importance of being able to recall those memories for our own wellbeing.
Paul
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Glad to give you another way to see remembgering Paul… and yours is another comment that somehow makes me feel sadder about my own increasing impairments, and the belief it does impact negatively my own sense of well-being. Keep chatting though, and bringing me into your world.
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My dear Kate,
Memories do not need to be reciprocated. The fact is that all your friends still remember you and admire your courage in facing your future. Your words help the rest of us realise just how lucky we are.
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Dear George, I’m glad my words help you realise how lucky you are… in some ways, your words about memory not needing to be reciprocal make it even sadder for me, as not being able to reciprocate is already such an emotional challenge. Knowing this will get worse makes it harder to face… but please don’t stop sharing as it helps me understand you and others more fully.
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