As I return to more regular writing and posting on my website, which is helping me to regain my own inner equilibrium, and sense of purpose, as the narrative therapy aspect of journalling has been restored.

Every day, I continue to read others words using the various disability techniques now required for reading, and for me, reading is one of the best ways to get writing!

Anyway, one recent post on LinkedIn really has me thinking.

Not only about about winning as someone else’s failure, but about the impact of winnning awards, and how social media has highlighted the narcissists, and the negative impact of that on us all. Obviously, if you are an athlete and win the marathon or long jump, someone else has to lose. But that type of winning vs losing is not what I’m talking about, nor do I believe, what Howard Quinlivan is referring to.

Howard wrote: “Your ‘Win’ makes me feel like a loser. Your ‘Success’ makes me feel like a failure. Having accidentally tapped in to Linkedin’s subconscious mind over the last week or so, this seems to be a common theme. You will have seen the relentless success tropes surface and resurface on a daily basis. Sometimes they make us feel like 💩 ************** 🎉 ”We won ‘X’ award last night” *(But you didn’t mention you bought a table at the event which meant you were a shoe-in). 🎉“My team smashed their sales target this month!” *(But the previous two were sub-par). 🎉 “I had an amazing business trip to see “X” clients” *(But you got sick on day two, slept for a day in a hotel room that was too hot, missed three meetings and your kids). 🎉 “We won a big case and got a great result” *(but what about that other one you pulled late nights for, should have won, but didn’t?) ************ Talking about anything real, or even negative, is anathema to most industries but especially Professional Services.

I’m not saying ‘dont be positive’ – at a base level i’m happy for you. But did you ever consider how your ‘relentless awesomeness’ made other people feel? Especially in a world of remote working and disconnection. Did you ever consider that there was more power in authenticity – in telling the WHOLE story? God forbid; the truth? (Hint: it’s also a lot more interesting than repetitive chest thumping BS …).“

Follow this link for the full post, and some very interesting comments to Howards brutally honest post. Ps. I prefer honesty, in all formats…

Some of Howards comments in brackets are notable, as it is often the individuals who win the awards, who nominated themselves, or had a friend or colleague or professional service they pay for nominate them, and have worked on strategies focused only on winning an award. For example, this comment from Howard in brackets: But you didn’t mention you bought a table at the event which meant you were a shoe-in. I discovered a few years ago it is even possible to engage companies who specalise in helping people get awards, including preparing the applications, finding the ‘right’ people to nominate a client, and so on. It really must be extremely important in business or to peoples’ egos and self esteem to win an awards, as they are highly sought after.

In Sydney a few years ago, I was sitting next to a young woman who was paid to be there to support her client, a finalist in an award being announced at the event (her fee, plus travel from Tasmania to Sydney, accomodation, cost of the dinner, etc. was all paid for by the client). She had also written and submitted the nomination form. Maybe I am naive, but I was a bit shocked, and realised some people will go to extraordinary lengths to be seen as ‘winners’. Self esteems must be low, or winning awards must be seen as an extremely valuable self marketing tool. Another person I know of who has been so desperate to win awards, finally chose to work with Australian First Nations people, as that ‘would provide an edge amongst other award finalists’. That approach seems exploitative of First Nations people…

In all the years I have been an accidental activist, it has not been about winning awards or gaining an honorary PhD or any other honorary degree. It has been to improve the experiences of people being diagnosed with dementia, and their post diagnostic care and support, and that of our families. This is the primary reason I am a co-founder of Dementia Alliance International (DAI).

The other reason we set up DAI, was that no one and no other organisation was providing us with adequate or appropriate support. They still don’t.

Action leading to change and improved support and quality of life remains my focus, and for me, winning some awards has sometimes been a very negative experience, and caused public defamation through a bunch of lies told about me. The passive competitive behaviours of some, the tall poppy syndrome, which is even experienced by young athletes and which causes things like defamtion, bullying and gaslighting, and the green eyed monster, are all alive and thriving.