This draft blog was sitting in my draft folder, written a few years ago as part of observing a Brain health Awareness Month series. Inspired by Wendy Mitchell, I’ve been trying to reingnite my habit of daily, or at least, a more regular writing habit, and today, it seemed appropriate to talk about the impact of safe vs unsafe relationships on our brain health.
I’ve been a member of a private group providing support to indivduals who have or had toxic, harmful parents or other family members, and they posted something about safe vs unsafe poeple, which resonated with me especially in terms of the impact of engaging with ‘unsafe’ people on our overall wellbeing, and more specifically with our brain health. The group host, who is a professional in this particular field of support, provided this list of safe versus unsafe people, and it goes well beyond family members, and incldues anyone in your life who is negatively impacting you.
Our responses to good and bad things are also 100% our responsibility, so sometimes it is necessary simply to cease having relationships with people who you feel ‘unsafe’ with. No drama, no big fight or debate, just walk away. A human detox, in the same way you might give up sugar or alcohol to detox your body and brain.
Safe People
- Listen to you
- Hear you
- Accept the real you
- Validate the real you
- Are nonjudgmental
- Are real with you
- Clear
- Their boundaries are appropriate
- Safe people are willing to be direct
- There are no triangles
- Supportive
- They are loyal
- The relationship is authentic
- They never lie to you
Unsafe People
- They don’t really listen to you
- They don’t ‘hear’ you either
- They reject the real you
- Worse, they invalidate you, especially if you are direct with them
- They are judgmental
- They are unclear
- They are are False with you (they lie to you)
- Their boundaries are unclear
- They are indirect
- They triangulate others
- Fake people are competitive, and very often passively so
- They betray you, and others
- The relationship is fake – and you are often being ‘used’
- They hate honesty
I’ve chosen to cease having relationships with most people I feel unsafe with, especially those who lie to me, bully or harrass me, or who are unwilling to listen to my truth. Some are family members, and as much as I still yearn for the unconditional love and support of family, I’m also a realist, and know it will never be given. Sadly, with any form of contact with toxic, unsafe peole, there is always a huge price to pay, if not at the time, then sometime afterwards.
Letting go of unsafe people in your life, is a form of detox, and for me, has been critical to my health.
