Honesty can be painful, especially when someone else is telling you something you either don’t know about yourself, or haven’t been able to see or accept about yourself, or perhaps that you don’t like about yourself. Looking in the mirror is for many, the hardest lesson of all; it definitely was for me! Personal growth is the best type of growth, at least it has been for me.
Since dementia, our relationships with many have changed. Some people have simply disappeared, including many of the relationships with family members. Not to be able to share in my life, the good, the bad and sometimes the downright ugly, has been very sad and difficult for me to accept, but, I will not accept dishonesty. I have, of course, had to pay quite a big price for that, also my choice.
But, I’d rather have honesty, and true friendship, with blood related or others, than have dishonest relationships. Luckily I do have a truly wonderful group of very close friends, a brilliant husband and two truly amazing sons, and a lovely circle of extended friends, some who I know and have worked with, some I have only met online. We are all capable of being honest with each other, and I LOVE YOU ALL for that.
Kate the loss of people that have disappeared from mams life causes me the most sadness for her, she done nothing but give her love all her life and now she needs a little extra there are many gone . You do inspire me to look at the positive though, I thank you for that , I carry a lot of resentment around it does no good, I damp it down but it so easily springs back , but I am trying .. I have possibly been the cause of people disappearing from mams life because of my brutal honesty, I look at it as one of my values, the people who really and truly care are still here x
Take care, and thank you for sharing your own life with us here. The only ‘advice’ I can recommend for you to manage the pain you describe, is to write about it (privately)… a friend of mine who used to be a psychologist believed in the expression of pain and ligroin and loss through writing, if his clients would not start writing after the third visit, he would not waste their money or his time. I have a private blog, where I write the real pain of lost love, lost family and friends and other pain, it still works. When I was doing volunteer grief counselling, I would liken it to the cleansing of an abscess… it really helps. x
I agree wholeheartedly. Not only had dementia taken from me many of my filters, but it has left me with little skill to deal with people’s lies…even the ones people do for social convention. I don’t think it is wrong, or bad, to talk openly about how the disease…or certain things we encounter, affect us. If anyone has an issue with it, particularly someone who doesn’t have the disease…maybe they need therapy? Anyways, I agree wholeheartedly with you here. You are a great friend to have, and I am sorry for the people you have lost along the way, but is truly their loss.
Thanks for being my friend too Faith, and I do hope we get beyond our virtual friendship one day too! xxx
Hugs to you! I hope to hug you in person one day. Maybe in New York.
Hugs to you too Mary… and a real hug in NY sounds brilliant. There is some chance we will be there sometime in 2016 too!
Honesty! So true. On a number of my blogs I had to think about if I wanted to post them in what needed to be their raw, honest way. The alternative was to not post them at all. Then I decided that if I was going to post my experiences, lessons, and feelings about living with someone living with Dementia, the only way to go was honesty. So I posted them! And either people ignored them or chose not to say anything or respected them. I think respected them! Thanks your your honesty!
thanks for yours, and for your friendship and love… and I wanted to say, I am thinking of you every day as you face each day without Gregory xoxox
Thanks Kate. You have become part of my daily thoughts as well. If you have had time to keep up with http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com you will have seen the grieving I am doing but also the JOY in my life that I continue to cultivate!
Yes, I do read your wonderful words… and am so glad you are finding joy, which also helps you live with the sadness. Hugs and love always
I think the sadness will always be there but slowly will be easier with which to sit. I am pleased, impressed, and joyed that you continue to follow my writing. It pleases me so much that someone I admire so cares for me as well! Across the miles I am Thankful for you!
Our love and friendship will continue… I have NO doubt of that dear Michael xx
You can’t be fairer than that Kate!
Thanks Paul!
I am an honesty and integrity freak so I can so relate to this post. I think as the veil of illusion drops away quickly now, we will be faced with stuff we never dreamed of. Perhaps your toughening up over the years will end up being a blessing for you as things unravel. Hang in there Kate and put your focus on who is good in your life and appreciate them all…Thinking of you as my winter slips in and your summer breezes about…I send you hugs and love…VK ❤
Of course, I knew that! It is partly why we have connected dear VK… much love to you always xox
It is hard to hold to that decision; one that takes courage and determination. Well done. I try but don’t always succeed, so your example will give me the boost I need.
Sadly, for me, refusing to accept lies and dishonesty, has also meant I have had quite people I love, choose to walk away, as being 100% honest is simply not their way of living. Whilst I prefer the road ahead of me, the loss of these people continues to sadden me, but the sadness does not outweigh the value of only hanging out with really honest people