Farewell for now to Facebook

FB unhappy faceFollowing on from my blog yesterday about feeling like a number of people on Facebook were indulging in cyber bullying against me, overnight, it raised to a new level, and I have reported some of them, and also deactivated my Facebook account. They self righteously say online they are not bullying me, but how it makes me feel, which is bullied, is my reality.

As some said in a post on my timeline, they do not even know me, and likewise I do not know them, but many people who seem to be in the ‘global dementia community’ send me ‘Friend requests’ which I have accepted, perhaps too willingly. From my perspective, the person who started it and has been cyber bullying me, is apparently on Facebook and other social media sites under a pseudonym; a number of her ‘followers’ have been on the edge of bullying also. Perhaps hiding behind a pseudonym might be why this person feels it is ok to be a bully and to be so self-righteous.

I have had debates (always friendly and healthy, but often with people who have very strong opposing views) with hundreds of people since I’ve been blogging, and never before has anyone been so nasty or nit-picking or so consumed with me being wrong. I am always willing to agree to disagree, or to change my mind on a topic, but to be spoken about in the way so many of them are at the moment, many who asked to be my ‘friend’ on Facebook, but who know nothing of my life, my daily struggles, or my good will, are quite frankly, too hard to take.

Although they are now suggesting perhaps I have a mental illness, or it is the ‘symptoms of dementia’ making me say I am being bullied, I do not have depression or any form of mental illness, nor are my symptoms causing me to be irrational or unable to have a healthy debate (thankfully, at least for now).

I find it seriously sad that a group of people, who do not have dementia themselves, and who say they ‘care’ for people with dementia, so sad in fact, that I have cried most of the night, and have just deactivated my FB account.

Picking on someone with dementia, which is a terminal illness, is the lowest form of low, from people who say they ‘care’.

I’ve just imported all my Facebook data and images, prior to deactivating my account. Please stay in touch if you wish, via my blog or on twitter, or call in for a coffee if you live nearby.

Human meanness has simply got the better of me…

Facebook has helped fill the hole in my life of real friends dropping in for coffee, and I will really miss the REAL friendships from the many real friends and family I have kept in touch with there.

87 thoughts on “Farewell for now to Facebook

  1. Pingback: World Dementia Council goes global | Creating life with words: Inspiration, love and truth

  2. I’m so sorry this happened, Kate. And very glad that you can rise above and take action to protect and heal yourself. I had just read a newspaper headline the other day that there has been a steep increase in online bullying to bloggers, and that accounts are being hacked as a method of bullying, but never imagined it would be to “good” people who are willing to be vulnerable and share insights about themselves and their situations. I hope the bullying stops, at least for you. Thanks for posting this.

  3. While I don’t know you personally, I have found your posts and emails enlightening and informative. I am so sorry this has been happening to you – a brave person.

    Jenny Jones in Tasmania

    Sent from my iPad


  4. I’m SO SO sorry Kate ….. I hope you won’t shed any more tears. You have a LOT of friends here on your blog 🙂

  5. Hi Kate, So sorry that you have had to endure that level of abuse. It just shows the lack of understanding and prejudice around Dementia. All I can say is please continue the GREAT work you are doing in paving a better future for people diagnosed with dementia, I truly believe that you will achieve great things if you stay strong. I hope you continue with this wonderful blog and I look forward to more of your perspectives going forward.

  6. Hi Kate,
    So sorry you have had to experience this form of abuse.
    Try to avoid it tainting your whole view of humanity – I believe (howevere naively) that most people are fundamentally good, however there will always be those willing to hurt others behind the protection of the internet.
    As I always say to you ‘keep on keeping on!)

    • Thanks David… I am sure it is probably simply a misunderstanding each others positions, but not done in such a kindly fashion. We all have a right to a different viewpoint! And I will, as you suggest, keep on keeping on.

  7. So sad to hear this Kate, lovely lady you have enought to cope with in life, and certainly dont need to contend with nasty people who hide behind a keyboard, sending love and a big hug xx

    • Thanks Margaret… of course, as with all bullies, they do not see their words or behaviour as harmful, and so have suggested I have raised a storm about nothing. I had an ex husband who was like that too, and ended up with a domestic violence restraining order. It is at least easier to just get offline, but sad that I felt it was necessary. xox

  8. Hi Kate. I’m so sorry that you have been through this awful experience, this is the dark underside of the “www”, where people can hide behind anonymity to abuse. You are much better off without them.
    Take care – David

  9. OMG – i have noticed a huge change in the number of sites and find most difficult to understand. You have been my inspiration and through your blogs etc. you have become my mentor. It is remarkable how much positive influence and encouragement you have given to me – and you don’t even know me short of emails etc. Thank you so very much Kate – talk with you soon. With love, Myrn a

  10. Kate, my heart breaks for you because of all this. It’s not fair and as I’ve blogged about being prejudiced against before, it’s sad and upsetting. I’ve had a little of the bullying too because others feel that I’m not “able” to express correctly or act correctly due to my symptoms. But I’m still me. You are still you. We are all at different degrees, different types, and different personalities- but isn’t everyone else too. Whether it’s dementia or not, a strife in their life, an injury, etc .. Do we bully them or judge them? No. It’s frustrating and unjust how others perceive and treat us and I’m so sorry you have dealt with this first hand over and over. Remember their ignorance and demeanor as not the entire world’s view as I try also. There are so many good people out there too. Those who don’t look at us differently. Those who support and encourage and love us unconditionally. I look forward to your blogs and they truly help and encourage me. Thank you.

    • Of course, it is part of life not getting on with some, but being so mean is unkind. I’m glad we are connected, and we can all learn from each other, especially if we remain respectful. x

  11. So glad you got off Kate….It really is a rather evil place at times and it seems to have turned into a massive place to let out regressions and belittle at will to relieve ones own imbalances. I left fb months and months ago. It was a sick place to be and the negative energy coming out of my computer whenever I was logged on was terrible…..Don’t take anything personally, like in that book the 4 Agreements….It’s all about THEM not you….Blessings and huge hugs…VK ❤

  12. Hi Kate, sorry to read that people have been really unkind. Sometimes I just don’t understand how people have no insight or empathy. You have certainly written with such courage and honesty that I cannot imagine how people can be so selfish. It maybe they are stuck in the “poor me” mentality rather than being an advocate for their loved ones. Hang in there!

  13. Dear Kate,
    Though we have not yet met, your writings reveal to me that you are a very special person indeed.

    As you know i have had similar experience of bullying on social media and for that reason have chosen to withdraw from twitter. I was only ever briefly on Facebook. I am at peace with my decision though, like you, it was a decision that was based on bullying by professionals. I too have faced the stigma of being told my views are based on illness and thus, the suggestion would seem to be, that they are less valid.

    You take care. You are very special. keep blogging … that is what I do now.

    See you at the book launch with Shibley!

    ever aye Peter

  14. Hi Kate – I didn’t see the threads on face book but it is quite frankly despicable that people would do this. I have heard you present a couple of times and read your blogs and you must stay strong …. your words and thoughts are so helpful. Sending you lots of love and hugs x

  15. Hello Kate. I totally agree with the comments of Perri Waddell. I haven’t had much to say but have been following your Blog for a while. I have the greatest respect and admiration for your intelligence, empathy, compassion and love for others. I am a casual user of FB – I too, find it very plastic and can’t understand how people expose their lives on such a medium. Keep doing what you are doing and, yes – always follow your gut instinct. Be brave, be strong – you are doing such a great job! Bronwen xo

  16. You go Kate! your presence, your blog and your courageous voice are way more effective than FB, I gave up on FB a few years ago and welcomed the real world back into my life- best move I ever made. Have been following your blog for a while but this is my first post- mostly as I feel so strongly about how plastic the FB world is- so delighted to have someone of your stature shun it too! Sending big positve hugs xxx

  17. Sorry for all that Kate – I have also now read the thread and their behaviour is frankly bizarre – the same kind of thing that prompted me to leave the site after a few days back in the Autumn..still I find FB a pain anyway – plenty of other ways for you to keep on keeping’ on xxx

  18. Kate, social media has made many people ‘opinionated’ sadly, often when they have no idea what they are talking about. I am sad that you have had a bad experience and understand you backing off, far easier to give up FB for the moment, and then perhaps venture back later on, and be more choosy about ‘Friending’ people. Better to only become FB Friends with people who are friends of friends, or in some way, ‘real’, that way they know better than to bully. They are accountable. But, sorry about your experience. It makes one feel sick inside when something like that happens, doesn’t it? Have faith, there are plenty more people out there who love and respect your words and wisdom, than horrid people who have no idea. Take care, Jane XX

    • Hiding behind pseudonyms, and ‘care’ groups… who knows who they really are anyway, so better to FLUSH and move on. Thanks for your support though, as flushing it not as easy as typing it! x

  19. I am so sorry to read about the bullying Kate. I don’t know you but I know enough from reading your blog that you are not depressed or that you would imagine the bullying. You know what you have and you courageously live helping others. These bullies have issues that they cannot admit too or don’t know they have. There are good and bad in the world and it is so sad when the bad try and push the good down. You are doing so much good. Keep strong.

  20. It totally appalls me Kate – I despise this type of low, disgraceful, cowardly behaviour.
    I agree – get off FB – I think its a crock anyway and a medium where you cannot possibly know the ‘real’ people from the riff raff.
    It can be dangerous and destructive and you do not need those type of experiences, or be the fodder for the nastiness that some people cannot contain.
    Once again – you are so much better than that.

  21. Sorry to hear that you have been attacked in such a manner – humanity impresses and disappoints at the same time. I am glad that we will still hear your views via your blog. Take care Kate and keep up the good work

    • Thanks Lisa… of course, those who I feel have been bullying, probably feel the same about me speaking out here! Oh well, you can only please some of the people some of the time! Better to be sure I am sincere in everything I do, and that it comes from an open heart, rather than worry about those who do not operate openly or in this way.

  22. So sorry this happened to you. Your leaving Facebook is our loss. I wish you the best. Please stay in touch.

  23. Sometimes letting go of things can be freeing. Continue to speak out valiantly about your life and your passions. I don’t know you personally but I have read your words and heard you speak at conferences. You are well spoken, intelligent and I was amazed at the work you are doing. You are making a difference and you do it with class and honesty.
    I am an admirer who wishes you well.
    Best wishes!,

  24. I’m so sorry to hear that Kate, it is such a pity that the overarching benefits of news sharing and instant communication that facebook brings have been outweighed by the inability of some people to behave in a civil manner. It’s the few that often ruin it for the many. You have to do what’s best for you xxxxx

  25. It saddens me to read this Kate and I am very sorry that you are experiencing this.

    Unfortunately in the online world where people can hide their identities and remain anonymous, people are not accountable for what they say or the pain they inflict. It is cowardly and cruel.

    You are an inspiration. You know you are doing a good job when people come against you with such personal attacks.

    Maybe down the track you could create a new, private Facebook profile that you can still connect with others who can support you and lift you up – rather than the opposite.

    I wish you all the best Kate.

  26. Hi Kate, I’ve been following your blog for over a year and it has really challenged and helped me with my 91year old mother who is living with dementia. Thank you so much. Please keep the blog you inspire me, SG

  27. Hey love to meet theses people in person maybe they would like to get together with me when we are in the UK. Angry BUB.

    • Just had a call from one of the procedures at SBS, to make sure this was not a direct response to their program… which is it not.

      ps. They send their regards, and suggested we try and forget about the bullies! Very sweet, and again, such a professional experience with the media.

  28. big hugs darling one, so sad for you, you will not let this get you down for long dear one. you are tough remarkable lady, and i love you dearly my heart goes out to you, but the bastard trolls are not going to win. love you xxxxx

  29. All I can say is people say hateful things out of ignorance and I have also been on the receiving end of hateful comments even in your space Kate. I’m sorry you have felt the need to shut down your FB account 😦

    Debate and discussion are healthy; bullying is abusive.

    In Quebec, Canada we say “Bon courage!” which roughly translated means “Take heart.” ❤

  30. I’m so sorry about all of this Kate. I’ll miss you on Facebook but do what you need to do and keep on keeping on. You are an inspiration 🙂 With Love Alex xx

  31. Hi Kate
    I am sorry to hear this like you say we have enough to put up with without being bullied by low life who have no idea how we feel. Each day is different good or bad. Carers don’t know how we feel either. I think they have done this deliberately. People don’t like to think we can live well with dementia. Keep your chin up as they say here (non Carborundum illegitimi) the carborundum made grind stones . It means don’t let the b———- grind you down sorry to use a swear word. But I don’t like my friends to be upset.

  32. Very sorry to hear that Kate…I haven’t been following you long but feel inspired by your writing and grateful for your shared words….please don’t let these people get you down for long…they aren’t worth it and you are amazing.

  33. Kate, can you keep your FB, but eliminate( unfriendly) all of the nasty people? That way you will stay in touch with your true friends. So sorry this has happened. Sara

  34. Wow, Kate. What a crappy experience. It seems nowadays everyone has an opinion and they believe theirs is 100% right and deserves to be yelled from the mountaintop, figuratively speaking. This is why I am not on Facebook – I don’t have the patience. 🙂 Take care, Kate. Jim

  35. Kate, I’ve followed the comments overnight. The people in question have at last revealed their remarkable ignorance of FTD and their facile & dangerous assumptions about PWD in general.

    Hoping that their determination to have “the last word” will allow us both to continue online without further abuse.

    No more tears. xx

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